Obedience

Something clicked for me today. Something important. An answer to a question that I didn't remember asking. Or maybe I do remember the questions I posed to God many times over the last 3 years. Something like: "Why, God? Why am I being moved so far from my family? Why do I need to be in a place where I have no friends? Why this time, why this place?"

This morning, during my time with God, (Today is my first day of being unemployed, and I can't even explain how glorious it is to have nothing on my agenda and just spend as much time as I need to with him!) I was reading chapter three in 'Secrets of the Secret Place' to prepare for tonight's Bible Study. And a consistent theme arose. Obedience.

Suddenly, everything seemed to fit. Every lesson from the time I heard God tell me to move to NYC, through the confirmations I received that I was, indeed, supposed to move, to every lesson learned through painful experiences and joyful experiences, a need to rely on others but especially on God, the call that I was released from Communitas (the church plant from MI that I moved to NYC to start), my acceptance to Columbia University and the understanding that I can't go there if I don't live in NYC, to looking at pictures of my granddaughter on facebook and realizing that I will get to see her grow up in person.

Things I wanted to do; things I didn't want to do; exciting things; lonely times; happy times; new friends I can call family. I'm not sure how to articulate all the memories swirling around my head this morning. I have had the hardest three years of my life, and also the very best three years of my life. For the first time I was living my life for God, but also living my life for myself. Being such a young mother, from the time I was a child, my first concerns have been for my son and what would be best for him. Suddenly, I was able to live a life for myself.

I have gone through many trials and tribulations throughout my life, and I have always believed in Jesus, but I have not always (mostly) lived my life in a way that would be pleasing to him. But now, he has made his point. Or rather, I have understood his point! Above all, I must be obedient to what it is he wants. And although I have had ups and downs, I have been obedient. And I am so pleased that I have pleased God, that I am pleasing God.

I don't know what is in store for me next. I'm moving back to MI in 9 days. I don't have a job. I don't have a car. I have little savings. I don't have a place to call my own. But I do have a place to stay with friends. And I do have a bike. And I do have family and great friends. And I do have faith. And mostly I have the knowledge that I am being obedient, and that I want to continue to be obedient. And that makes me happy and gives me peace.