It's been a long time, but today I am completely worn out. I was up early and out and about all day and what I thought was most of the night as well. (Since I've been home for about 15 minutes and it's only 8:30pm, I guess it wasn't most of the night, but it sure feels like it!)
Long story short: a new train; wrong directions; extra transfers; heavy, awkward bag to carry; broken glass; no available place to stop to eat or buy groceries near home; expensive dinner; more long transfers. After 3-3 1/2 hours on public transportation for the day I finally get home. All I want to do is get into my pj's and curl up in an afghan and watch TV. Oh, that's right I don't have TV.
I know this is a lot of petty stuff to focus on, and I won't stay in this place for long, but I am just worn out. There are so many things in this city that are just harder. And today I'm feeling it. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about all the marvelous things that happened today. Maybe.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Flowers, Pulled Pork and Stalkers
What do these things add up to? I'd say a perfect afternoon. To start, I had a lunch date this afternoon with a gentleman I met through a friend of mine. We already did the meet at the coffee shop thing, with my friend, and we hit it off.
So he calls me last week and mentions he'll be around my neighborhood, it would be convenient to have BBQ for lunch before his 3pm appointment. (I'm sure right now the guys reading this are thinking 'smooth' and the women are thinking 'not too smooth') but he says it with some degree of charm so I say yes. Really, what girl could say no to pulled pork?
He later realizes that by making it seem he only wants to see me because it's convenient for him, might NOT have been charming, which is where the flowers come in--he brings them to me as he picks me up. Very nice. We had a great time with plenty of conversation. I felt our date ended too soon--even though it was a couple of hours long--there was still much more to talk about. So we're going out again on Saturday!
When I get home, no more than 15 minutes go by, and a friend from 20 years ago calls me up. He found me on facebook (that's where the stalking comes in--really facebook could be a stalker's best friend!) and we exchanged a few messages and phone numbers. I haven't seen him since his wedding 15 years ago. Although we have always gone long periods without talking, whenever we do talk, it's like we spoke yesterday. We always seem to pick right up where we've left off.
So, here's to my perfect afternoon of flowers, pulled pork and stalkers!
So he calls me last week and mentions he'll be around my neighborhood, it would be convenient to have BBQ for lunch before his 3pm appointment. (I'm sure right now the guys reading this are thinking 'smooth' and the women are thinking 'not too smooth') but he says it with some degree of charm so I say yes. Really, what girl could say no to pulled pork?
He later realizes that by making it seem he only wants to see me because it's convenient for him, might NOT have been charming, which is where the flowers come in--he brings them to me as he picks me up. Very nice. We had a great time with plenty of conversation. I felt our date ended too soon--even though it was a couple of hours long--there was still much more to talk about. So we're going out again on Saturday!
When I get home, no more than 15 minutes go by, and a friend from 20 years ago calls me up. He found me on facebook (that's where the stalking comes in--really facebook could be a stalker's best friend!) and we exchanged a few messages and phone numbers. I haven't seen him since his wedding 15 years ago. Although we have always gone long periods without talking, whenever we do talk, it's like we spoke yesterday. We always seem to pick right up where we've left off.
So, here's to my perfect afternoon of flowers, pulled pork and stalkers!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Volunteer Work
Since I'm not working at Macy's anymore, I spent much more time at TFS volunteering this week. Besides my administrative work, where I've generally been helping out, I got to spend a lot of time helping with clients, which I love, love, love. I am learning so much, and I know I am really helping them out.
It's been a really long time since I've had a job where the time passes so quickly, because what I'm doing is making a difference in someone's life. Actually, I don't know that I've ever even had that kind of job. Now, if only I could arrange to be paid for it...
It's been a really long time since I've had a job where the time passes so quickly, because what I'm doing is making a difference in someone's life. Actually, I don't know that I've ever even had that kind of job. Now, if only I could arrange to be paid for it...
"Ladies and Gentlemen!"
"A black man is President! My President is a black man!" shouted the teenager on the train right after Obama took office. I smiled at his enthusiasm, and so did a woman sitting across from me. As for everyone else on the train, they did what people usually do, ignored him.
But for me, I was encouraged by the hope the new administration will bring for us all.
But for me, I was encouraged by the hope the new administration will bring for us all.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Christmas Dinner
Here's my new Dining Room. And this is the last 'old picture' I'll post. I'm sure the novelty will wear off, but until then...
Retirement
Ok, I'm not really retired, but I've been practicing playing a retired person in my life for the last week. I must say, I enjoy it very much! I have spent time with friends, establishing new friendships over coffee, baking pies with my community to pass out to our neighbors, going to see a new friend in a play, volunteering in the city, etc. If it weren't for the fact that I AM NOT living off a trust fund and actually need cash to survive, I'd say I have the perfect life. Heck, I think I have the perfect life apart from being independently wealthy!
Today, I went to my friends new apartment in Queens to help them paint. Of course, I had the free time. So I take the G (the train closest to my house) to the Q 101 (a bus, which I'm just now starting to venture out using buses.) I find the right bus, you DON'T want to get on the wrong one, but unfortunately, it was going the wrong way! (Which I discover as the bus goes over a bridge with an unknown ?east river? body of water underneath.) It's not too bad though, only one stop into Manhattan and then back to Queens.
I think the bus driver is lonely. We talked, okay mostly he talked and I listened--something I've been practicing, better listening skills--the whole trip. He was also my driver on the way back to Brooklyn! After my 30 minute or so bus trip, I'm feeling like I now know how hard it is to be a driver.
I should also mention that my friends both work afternoons, which means they could only paint in the early morning, so I tried to arrive at 8 (which except for the wayward bus trip I would have made it on time!) actually arrived closer to 9, and had a fun morning catching up and painting. Imagine that to be somewhere at 8am is really hard when you stay up late and like to sleep in when you're in fake retirement, but I digress. (I hope my roommates don't read this blog since the only participation I had in the painting of our downstairs was to choose the living room paint color!) Here's some pics! Painting around a refrigerator is not too easy!
I guess I can add 3 pictures! I'm getting very computer savy!
Pictures, Part II
Evidently I'm only able to post two photos at a time, and fair is fair. (I know my readers are secretly humming, 'Isn't she lovely!')
Pictures
So I learned how to put pictures on my blog. This is either a good thing or a bad thing...time will tell.
I think it is a good idea to start with new pictures, and not go backwards and post old pictures that would be better suited to older posts, but since I hardly ever do anything the logical way, I'm starting with some pics from Times Square on New Year's Eve. (Temperatures about 1 degree, and outside for several hours!)
Friday, January 16, 2009
Jack's Special
Hallelujah! (Yes, I had to look on dictionary.com to find out how to spell hallelujah.) I found my favorite salsa at Whole Foods today! Have never shopped there, it's a little pricey and the one at Union Square is crazy busy, but I was in the area so I thought I'd check it out. The salsa is made by Gourmet Fresh in Ferndale, MI, and if you haven't had it, run to the store today to get it. Best salsa ever. (Or EVAR, for T$) I have missed it since I moved to NY. I'm having it with tortilla chips for dinner tonight. That's it, chips and salsa. Couldn't be happier.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Terminated: Part II
So (Yes, I realize I start a lot of my posts with the word so!) I clock in for work this afternoon and print my schedule, a habit I've gotten into since my schedule was always changing, and discover that I'm not working today. It takes me about 25 minutes to get a manager on the phone. (I'm also all alone at my station, so I can't leave to find a manager.) She tells me yes, there was a problem and my last day was yesterday.
Nice! It's almost an hour commute each way. I also work my volunteering around Macy's, so although I closed last night and got home late, I was up extra early to get to TFS before my Macy shift at 2:30. Got home today at about 4pm. Earned: $0. Not bad for being gone since 8:30am!
Worst part was, I did not handle the situation very well. Not by the message I left for my manager on her phone, and not with the manager who was on duty today. Not sure what to do about all that now, but I'd rather not leave it how I left it. In the line from GWTW, "Tomorrow is another day."
Nice! It's almost an hour commute each way. I also work my volunteering around Macy's, so although I closed last night and got home late, I was up extra early to get to TFS before my Macy shift at 2:30. Got home today at about 4pm. Earned: $0. Not bad for being gone since 8:30am!
Worst part was, I did not handle the situation very well. Not by the message I left for my manager on her phone, and not with the manager who was on duty today. Not sure what to do about all that now, but I'd rather not leave it how I left it. In the line from GWTW, "Tomorrow is another day."
Proud Mom
Just got a call from my law school student son. He received his first grade for last semester: B+ He had the 8th highest grade in the class! This and he works full-time. He is an amazing young man and I am so proud of him! Love you Joshua!
Language
Ahh, one of the magical things I'll miss about working on 34th Street is the language. I'm talking employees language. I have never heard anything like it. Correction: I have never heard anything like it in a work environment.
Doesn't matter if there are customers or managers around, if you're telling a story and want or need to say the F word, just shout it out. Please, don't hold back when talking about this MFer or N*^^#@, what the H*^$ was he thinking. This language is obviously acceptable in the workplace.
I can't help but to wonder what my next job will be like!
Doesn't matter if there are customers or managers around, if you're telling a story and want or need to say the F word, just shout it out. Please, don't hold back when talking about this MFer or N*^^#@, what the H*^$ was he thinking. This language is obviously acceptable in the workplace.
I can't help but to wonder what my next job will be like!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Refocused
Great reading in my devotional this morning. (See below.) Helped me to realize that I am much too focused on myself, what I want, and what I don't have. I think I have even slipped into self-pity.
One of the reasons I felt that God brought me here was so that I could concentrate on others, not on myself, and trust him for all my needs. And that's what I'm going to do, again. Today, I have absolutely everything I need. I am alone.
His Solitude with Us. When God get us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship-when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us. Notice Jesus Christ's training of the Twelve. It was the disciples, not the crowd outside, who were confused. His disciples constantly asked Him questions, and He constantly explained things to them, but they didn't understand until after they received the Holy Spirit (see John 14:26)
As you journey with God, the only thing He intends to be clear is the way He deals with your soul. The sorrows and difficulties in the lives of others will be absolutely confusing to you. We think we understand another person's struggle until God reveals the same shortcomings in our lives. There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quiet all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him.
One of the reasons I felt that God brought me here was so that I could concentrate on others, not on myself, and trust him for all my needs. And that's what I'm going to do, again. Today, I have absolutely everything I need. I am alone.
His Solitude with Us. When God get us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship-when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us. Notice Jesus Christ's training of the Twelve. It was the disciples, not the crowd outside, who were confused. His disciples constantly asked Him questions, and He constantly explained things to them, but they didn't understand until after they received the Holy Spirit (see John 14:26)
As you journey with God, the only thing He intends to be clear is the way He deals with your soul. The sorrows and difficulties in the lives of others will be absolutely confusing to you. We think we understand another person's struggle until God reveals the same shortcomings in our lives. There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quiet all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him.
Terminated
So I go into work today and print my schedule...nothing comes up for next week. It's been three-four weeks since my manager said I was hired permanently, and the last two weeks I've been getting almost 40 hours a week. I started feeling a little uneasy last week when I went to get my permanent ID and was told I had to wait until the 16th.
I see my manager tonight and tell her about my schedule. She says she wasn't able to keep me because the specialist position was only temporary, but I'm still on the top of her list. Nice way to find out I'm unemployed after Saturday!
I see my manager tonight and tell her about my schedule. She says she wasn't able to keep me because the specialist position was only temporary, but I'm still on the top of her list. Nice way to find out I'm unemployed after Saturday!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Missing: An Adult in My Life Stage
I didn't realize how much I miss having other people around who are in the same life stage as me. (Which more than not is someone ten years older than me--I started early!) I am surrounded every day by 20 somethings. That's not to say that there aren't some amazing 20 somethings in my home, work or church--I just miss being able to relate on life issues with someone my own age, who I can see regularly.
This void has become even more evident recently, (hmmm, maybe because for the last month there was someone around every day in my life stage??) but I didn't know how to remedy it or what to do with it. Thank goodness I had church tonight. I was feeling very disconnected when I first walked into church, maybe even for the first half an hour--not too unusual for me since I do better in small groups as opposed to larger ones--but tonight there was a heaviness weighing on me. I spoke with Pastor's wife for a few minutes before our meeting started and felt an immediate relief. In our prayer time (we break into small groups almost every week to pray) I expressed my need to the three in my group and felt so much more pressure relieved.
And then it hit me: I do know what the remedy is. It is taking a risk, sharing my feelings, and asking for help! (Not to mention lots of prayer!)
This void has become even more evident recently, (hmmm, maybe because for the last month there was someone around every day in my life stage??) but I didn't know how to remedy it or what to do with it. Thank goodness I had church tonight. I was feeling very disconnected when I first walked into church, maybe even for the first half an hour--not too unusual for me since I do better in small groups as opposed to larger ones--but tonight there was a heaviness weighing on me. I spoke with Pastor's wife for a few minutes before our meeting started and felt an immediate relief. In our prayer time (we break into small groups almost every week to pray) I expressed my need to the three in my group and felt so much more pressure relieved.
And then it hit me: I do know what the remedy is. It is taking a risk, sharing my feelings, and asking for help! (Not to mention lots of prayer!)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Children
Today on the train at one of the stops, a group of 8-12 year old children came aboard. (The noise level rose greatly.) I got to feeling all nostalgic and thinking about when Joshua was young, and what a hard time I had sending him on a bus to school. I can't even imagine what it would be like to send him through the subway alone, even if he was with friends.
And then I started thinking about how young he actually was when my mom died and how grown up he started acting, and how grown up I started treating him. What a loss of innocence, of his childhood. But I can't turn back the clock. Then as I felt my eyes get misty, half the boys got off at a stop and did the gesture to the train operator so that he would honk his horn. And he did. The next three stops. Until all the boys were gone. What a great way to bring me back to today and enjoy the innocence of the children on the train.
And then I started thinking about how young he actually was when my mom died and how grown up he started acting, and how grown up I started treating him. What a loss of innocence, of his childhood. But I can't turn back the clock. Then as I felt my eyes get misty, half the boys got off at a stop and did the gesture to the train operator so that he would honk his horn. And he did. The next three stops. Until all the boys were gone. What a great way to bring me back to today and enjoy the innocence of the children on the train.
A New Adventure
So I'm reaching out and being intentional about getting to know those in my community at RL a little better. I feel like I know my roommates and get to spend time with them, but don't get much one-on-one time with the others.
So I emailed Kansas and asked what he was doing on Thursday afternoon, my day off. I met him at his work on the UES (Upper East Side for all you non-New Yorkers) and we had an adventure. (I'm not stating what the adventure was, though, because it's one I'd like to share with Harry if he ever comes back--he'd love it--and I think he's secretly following my blog.)
On my way to Kansas' school, he's a teaching assistant, I got to walk up 3rd Ave. All types of design shops and Bloomingdale's--eye candy! I actually found myself walking slower so I could look into all the windows! Follow the adventure with a trip to the Apple store and down 5th Avenue (more window displays!) ending with grocery shopping at Trader Joe's in Brooklyn, and you have a perfect afternoon.
What a great time I had getting to know Kansas!
So I emailed Kansas and asked what he was doing on Thursday afternoon, my day off. I met him at his work on the UES (Upper East Side for all you non-New Yorkers) and we had an adventure. (I'm not stating what the adventure was, though, because it's one I'd like to share with Harry if he ever comes back--he'd love it--and I think he's secretly following my blog.)
On my way to Kansas' school, he's a teaching assistant, I got to walk up 3rd Ave. All types of design shops and Bloomingdale's--eye candy! I actually found myself walking slower so I could look into all the windows! Follow the adventure with a trip to the Apple store and down 5th Avenue (more window displays!) ending with grocery shopping at Trader Joe's in Brooklyn, and you have a perfect afternoon.
What a great time I had getting to know Kansas!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Redeeming Love
I have learned one of the most valuable lessons so far in my life this past month, and I am a little hesitant in sharing. I just shared this story in an email to a friend, and as I write it again in my blog, I am emotionally overwhelmed. It's very personal, but speaks so clearly to me of God's character that I feel I must share it. So, I'm hoping there is someone who will read this who will take my lesson to heart, for it is not just my lesson to be learned, it is a lesson for us all. I'm hoping that you don't have to wait for half your life to be over before learning it, but if so, know that the believing it to be true at any age is a miracle.
Two things that are interrelated (is that even a word?) occurred in December, and I didn't put them together right away, but the timing of the two makes it clear that they are related. First, I read the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, lent to me by a friend. The book is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible, loosely, and his love for his prostitute wife, whom God told Hosea to marry. It is also about God's love for us. No matter what his wife (Angel in the book, Gomer in THE book) did in her past, who she was, or what she believed could sway Hosea's love for her.
In my past I have not been treated very well by men, and I really haven't felt that I should be treated very well. As much as I believe that Christ washes away my sin, from the time I was a little girl, I have always had a part of me that felt unclean and unworthy of such total devotion and unconditional love. I can believe that God can love me like that, but a man? No, I never could believe that. But not anymore.
Which brings me to the second thing, and that is Harry's visit this past month. He was such a good friend to me, is a good friend to me. To have a man help me and serve me without even once crossing the line of inappropriateness, was a first for me. And help me he did--packing, loading, moving, unloading, going to IKEA, moving some more, building furniture for me, painting, building shelves, packing my lunch, surprising me at work, taking me on adventures--all this while listening to me, talking with me and me just being able to be myself and feeling totally accepted by him, and then accepting his help without feeling I had to reciprocate in some way.
So, due to Redeeming Love and Harry's friendship, I learned what it is I want, need and deserve in a man. I'm grateful God has shown me what I needed, at the right time, in a way that I could understand. He is so incredibly patient with me! (Even when I have to have a lesson shown to me over and over.) What an incredible blessing bestowed on me this Christmas season! And what a great reminder that I need to show Jesus' incredible, overflowing love to others, just as he has shown to me.
Two things that are interrelated (is that even a word?) occurred in December, and I didn't put them together right away, but the timing of the two makes it clear that they are related. First, I read the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, lent to me by a friend. The book is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible, loosely, and his love for his prostitute wife, whom God told Hosea to marry. It is also about God's love for us. No matter what his wife (Angel in the book, Gomer in THE book) did in her past, who she was, or what she believed could sway Hosea's love for her.
In my past I have not been treated very well by men, and I really haven't felt that I should be treated very well. As much as I believe that Christ washes away my sin, from the time I was a little girl, I have always had a part of me that felt unclean and unworthy of such total devotion and unconditional love. I can believe that God can love me like that, but a man? No, I never could believe that. But not anymore.
Which brings me to the second thing, and that is Harry's visit this past month. He was such a good friend to me, is a good friend to me. To have a man help me and serve me without even once crossing the line of inappropriateness, was a first for me. And help me he did--packing, loading, moving, unloading, going to IKEA, moving some more, building furniture for me, painting, building shelves, packing my lunch, surprising me at work, taking me on adventures--all this while listening to me, talking with me and me just being able to be myself and feeling totally accepted by him, and then accepting his help without feeling I had to reciprocate in some way.
So, due to Redeeming Love and Harry's friendship, I learned what it is I want, need and deserve in a man. I'm grateful God has shown me what I needed, at the right time, in a way that I could understand. He is so incredibly patient with me! (Even when I have to have a lesson shown to me over and over.) What an incredible blessing bestowed on me this Christmas season! And what a great reminder that I need to show Jesus' incredible, overflowing love to others, just as he has shown to me.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New Year's Eve in Times Square
On New Year's Eve I was convinced by Harry that the thing to do was to go to Times Square. Everyone should do it at least once. Josh and Harry were going to meet me at work at 7, then we were to make our way as close as possible. Which we knew wouldn't be too close since most people leave in the late morning or early afternoon to get a good spot. About 4pm Josh came up to visit me at work and said he wouldn't be joining us. And who can blame him? With the windchill factor it was about 1 degree outside!
So we started walking from M's, which is about 8 blocks away. The police department (hats off to NYPD's finest--every cop was nice and answered everyone's questions!)had so many streets blocked off, they diverted us many, many blocks out of the way. We followed an incredible mass of people until we got to Central Park and arrived at our first 'block.' (Actually a corral in the middle of a block filled with people, what you would imagine they do with cows in the west.) They kept filtering us through these blocks, maybe three or four, until we got to the closest spot: for us that was 7th Ave and 55th Street. There were checkpoints at each of these 'blocks' where they used hand sensors (is that what they are called? the things they use at airports to make sure you don't have a weapon?) and did bag checks, etc. So it was very safe.
There we waited for the ball to drop, which we had a great view of, it was just very small. We were too far to hear any of the music or get hit with confetti at midnight. But it was cool to see. One thing that really surprised me was that I didn't see any drunk people. There was one obnoxious person, but no one who was out of hand.
Joshua had decided to stay at his hotel just two blocks away from us. We tried after midnight to get to him, but the way the streets were blocked, there was no access. So, my son flies three states away to see me, and I can't get two blocks to meet him! After trying a bit, we headed with the rest of the herd to the train station and made our way back home. All in all a memorable event!
So we started walking from M's, which is about 8 blocks away. The police department (hats off to NYPD's finest--every cop was nice and answered everyone's questions!)had so many streets blocked off, they diverted us many, many blocks out of the way. We followed an incredible mass of people until we got to Central Park and arrived at our first 'block.' (Actually a corral in the middle of a block filled with people, what you would imagine they do with cows in the west.) They kept filtering us through these blocks, maybe three or four, until we got to the closest spot: for us that was 7th Ave and 55th Street. There were checkpoints at each of these 'blocks' where they used hand sensors (is that what they are called? the things they use at airports to make sure you don't have a weapon?) and did bag checks, etc. So it was very safe.
There we waited for the ball to drop, which we had a great view of, it was just very small. We were too far to hear any of the music or get hit with confetti at midnight. But it was cool to see. One thing that really surprised me was that I didn't see any drunk people. There was one obnoxious person, but no one who was out of hand.
Joshua had decided to stay at his hotel just two blocks away from us. We tried after midnight to get to him, but the way the streets were blocked, there was no access. So, my son flies three states away to see me, and I can't get two blocks to meet him! After trying a bit, we headed with the rest of the herd to the train station and made our way back home. All in all a memorable event!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Morning Bible Study
My roommates have started a daily devotional time at 8am each morning. I love the idea and have been able to join them once, and look forward to meeting again. Today's reading is from a devotional book by Oswald Chambers called 'My Utmost for His Highest.' Here's it is:
"He went out, not knowing where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8)
Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don't know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. "...do not worry about your life...nor about the body..." (Luke 12:22). In other words, don't worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."
Have you been asking god what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do--He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to "go out" through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.
Wow! I hope to come back to this reading frequently so I remember what I am here for and what my goal should be. I have also started reading Hebrews, chapter 11 and will spend the next week or so with it. So now I have a new year's resolution: To know that God knows what He is doing and to continually examine my attitude toward God so that I am willing to "go out" in every area of my life trusting in God entirely. (Sounds a lot like T$'s resolution, doesn't it?)
"He went out, not knowing where he was going" (Hebrews 11:8)
Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don't know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. "...do not worry about your life...nor about the body..." (Luke 12:22). In other words, don't worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."
Have you been asking god what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do--He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to "go out" through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.
Wow! I hope to come back to this reading frequently so I remember what I am here for and what my goal should be. I have also started reading Hebrews, chapter 11 and will spend the next week or so with it. So now I have a new year's resolution: To know that God knows what He is doing and to continually examine my attitude toward God so that I am willing to "go out" in every area of my life trusting in God entirely. (Sounds a lot like T$'s resolution, doesn't it?)
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