Lost and Lost

I am a pretty organized individual. I put things away. (Well, once I get unpacked, I put things away.) But today a couple of things threw me for a loop. First, I need to do laundry. I am lucky, blessed, thrilled, etc. that there is a laundry room in the basement of my building. No more walking six blocks to Atlantis 24 hour wash and fold!

I received a check from Macy's for a credit they owed me of $6 and some change. Enough to do some laundry. I put the check in my purse this morning, along with a plastic bag filled with loose change. (Enough I thought to not only do laundry, but to pick up a can of coffee at the grocery store--thanks to Kansas' generosity I'll be set with other groceries 'til I get paid in a week and a half!)

On my way out the office this evening I discover the check is gone! Not in my purse, not in my cabinet, not anywhere! Total disappointment and frustration. I get to the bank and have $10 in coins. Okay, I can still make this work. I get home. Where is my laundry card? It is gone, it is nowhere. (You have to use a prepaid card to do laundry, you just keep adding $$ onto the card. But, in order to get the card you have to pay an extra $5. So $10 will get you $5 in credit.) That means all my $10 spent, and only enough credit to do one load of laundry!

I have 3 pairs of clean underwear, 4 days of coffee, and $10 cash in my possession. What to do? I decided to wait until tomorrow.

Housewarming

Yesterday I received a wonderful housewarming present. First, I unpacked. Didn't finish, but got a pretty good start. Then off to meet Kansas at Rockefeller Center. I had yet to see the tree lit up, my pocketbook was empty, and I haven't seen Kansas in a long time, so thought it'd be a nice end to the Christmas holiday--a leisurely stroll around town catching up with a friend, seeing some NYC Christmas things.

Wrong. There were tourists by the busload. The streets were crowded. And it was a nice day which meant even more people were about. The only NY's who were happy were the street vendors selling their fare at 2 to 3 times the normal price. (I actually witnessed a guy paying $3 for a pretzel!) So we pushed through the crowds to get uptown to my place.

We decided to stop at the grocery store and pick up something to make for dinner. We met up with James at Key Foods, bought ingredients for chicken cacciatore, some cheap wine and headed home.

My wonderful housewarming present? Groceries bought for me, dinner prepared by a friend for me, a bag of goodies from James' apartment (tea lights, matches, instant coffee, chocolates) and best of all, an evening spent with friends!

I'm hoping my next guests won't have to eat their dinner sitting on the floor, eating off paper plates using plastic utensils, and drinking wine out of coffee mugs. But come to think of it, I'd rather have friends that don't mind one bit.

My Studio Apartment-Before

Today I am going to unpack and get settled into my apartment. (That is the goal anyway. So far I've been up for 3 hours and haven't started!) I continue to have difficulty posting photos, but here are some from when I first moved in, nothing but a bed and a suitcase...






How it looked when my stuff was moved in by my Communitas family and I was visitng my family in MI...

How it looks now after a week and a half of rummaging through bags...








For those of you not satisfied with the dimensions given by me (if me and another person held hands and reached, we could just about touch all four walls!) I measured with my new dollar store measuring tape. Dimensions: 11 1/2' X 13 1/2' (Which means I was pretty right-on with the holding hands and stretching measurement.) Which also means it's tons roomier than my last room in Brooklyn which measured only 6 1/2' X 14 1/2'. (Of course in Brooklyn I had some common areas I shared (living room, dining room, kitchen) but my bedroom was where all my stuff was and the only place I really felt comfortable.)

Soon to come, After pictures!

Christmas Day

My second Christmas in NYC started with my now annual Christmas Brunch Tradition with Ellie and Jenn. This year I went to their apartment and we each prepared some dishes which turned into a feast. Blueberry waffles, turkey bacon, potato pancakes, eggs (and Bailey's, Quantro, Mojitos--there seems to be a mini theme of partaking spirits at Christmastime going for me here!) We cooked and talked and laughed and shared the morning with each other.

Then off to 'dinner' for Jenn and I with Jenn's friend Mary and her boyfriend Frank. (Please note 'dinner' is in quotations because Mary made reservations for 1pm!) We just finished eating brunch and had to change and leave for dinner. Ellie asked if she could do my makeup, Jenn lent me a sweater, I put on a skirt I brought, and I felt all dolled up! (Yes, it's pretty vain, I know, but I'm adding a picture--it's been a long time since I dressed up for anything.)

We met at Fishtails on 62nd and Lexington and had a really fun afternoon. This was my first time meeting Mary and Frank, and I was happy to spend the afternoon with them. We spent over 3 hours at that restaurant. We had a back room to ourselves. (We needed the room, Mary uses a scooter and Frank uses a chair.) We laughed so much! My goal next year is to be able to afford more than just one and a half glasses of wine and a small tossed salad (total spent: $43!) The best part was watching both Frank and Mary enjoy their dinners. (They are both currently in a rehab facility and don't have the opportunity to get out often or eat decent meals.) And I have to comment on the staff at Fishtails. They were so extraordinarily nice and accommodating, every single person there. And the food was perfect. (If only I liked seafoood!)

Finally the end of the day, back to Jenn's and into my sweatpants, watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' (my all time favorite movie!) then a trip back to the comfort of my studio apartment.

A beautiful Christmas spent enjoying the people God has brought into my life, and enjoying the place He has me at right now. None of it planned, none of it expected, all of it wonderful!

Christmas Eve

I had the best Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! Surrendering to where you are instead of wishing you were someplace else makes all the difference in the world. (Having a wonderful friend who you want to spend time with doesn't hurt either!)

I had to work on Christmas Eve, covering for a coworker in Queens, (and believe me, this was the busiest week with clients making poor decisions, both mine and my coworker's--the holidays can be difficult for people)so after work I came home and took a nap. I had plans to meet my good friend, Jenn, who also had to work, to attend midnight mass. Our plans were to meet on Fifth Avenue & 58th Street and walk around a bit before mass started.

One of my favorite areas in NYC is 5th & 58th. It's what I consider to be a romantic area and on Christmas Eve it is simply magical! It's at the bottom of Central Park and so there are a lot of horse drawn carriages. My favorite movie theater is there, Paris, as well as the Plaza Hotel. (I have always wanted to go to the Plaza! I admit it's maybe the one 'wedding dream' I have, to spend my wedding night at the Plaza!) Many tourists are always in this area to check out the Apple store and shop at FAO Schwartz. But the best thing to see at Christmastime are the windows at Bergdorf Goodman!

I met Jenn at the corner and was greeted by her warm smile (and a diet coke bottle filled with spirits;) The windows at Bergdorf Goodman were spectacular, truly a work of art. We went to both The Plaza and the Waldorf Astoria, my first time at both luxury hotels (it was only to use the restrooms, but no one needs to know that!) Jenn was unable to get tickets for St. Patrick's Cathedral's mass (which you have to do in September) so we tried to find another Catholic church they recommended, St. Agnes. We finally found St. Agnes, only to discover they didn't have a midnight mass! We wandered around the city trying to find anther catholic church when we stumbled upon St. Bartholomew's Church. Beautiful! We were late, but managed to hear and sing some Christmas songs as well as partake in communion (which I don't think you're supposed to do if you're not Catholic, but we did anyway--my first time in a long time approaching and kneeling at an altar.)

And then Christmas Day...

Hiatus

So I suppose some of you may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while, and some of you (at least one of you!) may have noticed that the last time I posted was on Nov. 4th and am now off your list of 'blogs I read.' The longer it's been since I haven't blogged, the harder it is to write---not because I have nothing to say, but because I feel compelled to explain why I haven't written and what has been going on. So I think the best thing to do is to just jump in without an explanation and stop letting opportunities to share pass me by.

But, for those of you know me, know I can't do that and instead will post the blogs I started over the last few months (in various stages of completedness) with the date started.

Following God's Will
10/25/09
It's funny, but it's hard to follow God's will when you don't take the time to ask Him what His will is.

Homeless and Stuffless
11/3/09
I have been living for nearly a year and a half now without most of my belongings. In July of 2008 I sold nearly everything I owned in preparation to move to NY. The little bit I kept was put into storage, in Michigan. I then spent 3 months living with my cousins. Then to Brooklyn where I lived in "community" for a year. In a tiny, tiny room with no closet.

And now, where do I find myself? Without a home, again. Other than a suitcase, a box and a bag, the rest of my belongings are on a truck. A truck which is parked somewhere along the East River. A truck that in a few days will be headed to MI for the month. With my stuff on it.

My life just keeps getting more and more 'interesting.' And by interesting, I mean unbearable. I am...

Doubt
11/3/09
I'm doubting the existence of God. I have a hard time believing in someone, something, that can continue to push, and push, and push.

I feel as if I am being pushed and held down underwater. But the worst part is that for a moment, I am allowed to come up for air. And as I take a breath, I start to have hope that I will be able to breathe. And then I am held under again. I can handle being held down underwater. It is the cruel taunt of being let up for air where I can catch my breath that is the torture. The struggle of fighting my way to the surface is exhausting...exhausting in body, mind and spirit.

I just want to be able to breathe without swallowing water.

NYorkiversary
11/9/09
Monday marked my one year in New York City! So many changes this year, I don't know where to begin.

So as you can see I haven't been totally idle these past few months. In fact it has certainly been the hardest few months in the past few years, but I have experienced much growth. It was just easy for me to get wrapped up in and absorbed in my own version of my story without realizing that I am not the author of my novel.

In summation, for those of you who have actually continued to read this lengthy piece, I have had to rely and trust in God, learn to ask for help and receive it, confess and repent of my sins, receive forgiveness. And all this I learned through moving out of Brooklyn before it is time, living with friends (who continue to amaze me with their way of living open-handedly), trying to find an apartment in this city with bad credit and one I could afford, moving (without my belongings), no internet access, a trip to MI (but not for the holidays), finally receiving my belongings, and another Thanksgiving, Birthday, and Christmas in New York without my family.

Blog Name

Well, I don't live in Brooklyn anymore. (I don't exactly live anywhere right now, but that's an entirely different story!) I was thinking how my name 'A Michigander Grows in Brooklyn' no longer fits my situation.

But I don't think I'll change it.

Mustard

So there is so much going on in my life right now, but especially things going on inside me. But I don't have time for an in depth, heart-felt post, so I'm writing about mustard. Yes, mustard.

Seems like New Yorkers don't do mustard. It's available at restaurants, for sure, but there isn't a McDonald's or a fast food place that seems to use it or carry it! Imagine...no mustard! Absurd!

I had a very nutritious (and thankfully probably only the 6th time I've eaten 'fast food' in a year) meal at McDonald's and was again appalled at the lack of mustard on the burger. Which of course meant there was none for my fries! Imagine that! When I asked the order taker for mustard, he handed me a little container of honey mustard sauce. He didn't even know what mustard was?

I suppose there are worse things about this city other than the lack of mustard, but right now I can't think of any of them. What can I say? I really detest ketchup.

Missing Michigan

This is what I miss most in Michigan. Can you blame me?


Isn't she beautiful? Oh, and they're at the cider mill. I miss that too!

Beauty

Every day I am surrounded by inexplicable beauty. We all are. Trouble is, most of the time I don't notice it. Then there are the rare occasions when I am overwhelmed by something I see with my heart.

Like today. On the train I sat across from a young boy of about 10 and who I believe was his grandfather. The little boy seemed a little impatient, but the grandfather was not. I could sense the love he had for his grandson. Not in any extraordinary way, just in the way he looked at him. As they exited the train, the grandfather looked right at me. And smiled. And from that shared glimpse I knew that them being on the train was a gift for me.

It was then that I thanked God for his unbelievable kindness to share with me moments such as these. And my heart exploded (really, kind of like the Grinch's at the end of the book. I apologize to whomever recently used this analogy--as I wrote it I feel like I'm plagiarising, but since it seemed to fit, I'm keeping it!)

I usually forget these things after they happen. They lose their significance and I get caught back up in the business of being me (a pretty time consuming business, actually.) But today I remembered. And I wanted to share. Not just for you, but so that I would remember and hopefully notice the beauty surrounding me.

God Loves Me

I've been reading 'Blue Like Jazz' (Thanks Superstar, I love this book!) the last couple of days and what I read tonight on my way home from work hit me like a ton of bricks. I have not been able to accept God's love. I think I will be forever stuck until I can humbly receive God's unconditional love.

Of course I will also have trouble forgiving. And accepting others. And loving others. Before I can give anything to anyone, I must first receive. The values at our church are: Love, Lock, Live. Love others, Lock arms with each other, and Live open handedly. But before we can love others, we are told we must first receive God's love. I have heard that saying so many times. And it is just now clicking with me. Funny how it sometimes takes many times for something to resonate!

And why can't I receive God's love? Now that is the tricky part. For whatever reason, deep down, I don't believe I deserve it. But that is changing.

Riding on the bus and reading the book and realizing that I need to receive His love, I had a vision. (Not like a psychic vision or anything crazy like that) but a picture in my mind of how much God loves me. Instead of me picturing me running to Him, I saw God noticing me from the corner of his eye and running towards me. Yes, towards me! He was so happy to see me because his love for me is overwhelming...and unconditional. I was surprised by his action, delighted with his attention, and warmed in his presence.

So now I have a new goal. I'm going to stay in this place of just simply being loved and adored by my creator. For as long as I need to. I am going to just receive until I am filled up. And I think God is delighted with my goal.

Un something

So I found this draft of a post that I never published, and I wonder why I didn't. It was written in mid August. I must say reading it now is helping me to know that things have changed for me in the last month and a half...positively. So I'm posting it now so that I can look back and remember that if there is one constant in life, it is change.

I am feeling so unable to express the way I've been feeling lately, so forgive me. I've never felt so confused about everything, yet so sure at the same time. My life is full of contradictions.

I feel as if there is no one who can understand where I'm at, what I see. Here I am helping to plant a church whose primary goal is to serve the marginalized in the city...in Gramercy. One of the wealthiest areas in New York City. Of course, there are people in need everywhere. No matter what their lives look like on the outside, you never really know what their lives are like inside their protected bubbles. And there are homeless everywhere, too.

But here I am living in Bed Stuy, Brooklyn, and working in the Bronx. Both very impoverished areas. The people I see everyday in my neighborhood and in my work are very different than in midtown. Mostly, they are black and/or latino. I am a minority in both places. Very different in Midtown where I more easily blend, at least outwardly. Which gives me a sense of disconnect. Not that I don't blend where I work and live, but that there is such a sharp contrast to the area of my church and those I serve with.

The poverty, suffering and pain of the people I encounter in my work everyday is overwhelming at times. I can't help but to become emotionally involved with my cases, which leaves me feeling burdened by the end of the day. I hope that I never become too hardened that I am not involved in my cases--it is after all people's lives I'm dealing with--but I hope that it doesn't weigh me down either.

I pray that I find a way to do God's will and to be understood, all at the same time.

The Jeffersons

I have had the Jefferson's theme song running through my head for the past week. Why? Because I am moving! I don't know to where yet, but I do know where from--from a sink consistently full of dirty dishes, from 2-3 transfers when I go anywhere, from a house of young roommates (which I'm sure works well in your 20's, but not so well in your 40's), from being far away from my church family.

I have lived almost my entire life in two places, so these last few years of moving around into new and unique situations has been a bit of a stretch for me. I'm praying that the next place I land is a place of comfort for me.

The odd thing is that it is too soon to start looking for a place. Imagine that, 33 days until I move and it's too soon to look! What is on the market now will not be available on November 1st. So I have to really be patient until the time comes to search.

Until then, I'm going to keep singing to myself, "Moving on up, moving on up, to a deluxe apartment in the skyyyy. Yes, I'm moving on up, to the east side. I'll finally get a piece of the pie."

School Buses

There are hardly any school buses in NYC. I'm sure you're now wondering, 'how do the children get to school, then?' I'll tell you. They take the regular buses (and trains too.)

So the crowded bus I take into downtown Brooklyn each day to catch the train that takes me to the Bronx is now jam packed with people--adults and kids alike. My 1 hour and 15 minute commute has been at least 10 minutes longer since school started. And the bus has been crammed.

It is not a nice way to start the day--being bumped and pushed and jostled, (while standing 'cuz now it's hard to get a seat!)--no, not nice at all.

Living in the city can be so amazing. But it can also be really hard and wear you down. And most days I feel both extremes, sometimes in the span of ten minutes.

United Nations

Sometimes I forget where I'm living, which just so happens to be the coolest city in the states. Today after church (we've started meeting in the mornings!) I decided to run some errands and pick up some items I needed from my favorite place, Bed, Bath & Beyond on 61st Street and 1st Ave. That store has everything!

It was a beautiful day today so I decided to walk up 1st Ave. from 19th Street. A quick stop at Pastors' to pick up a package--thanks kids for the nice surprise!--then continuing up 1st from 33rd. I started to see signs stating 'No Parking Today' and 'Keep Moving' which is a bit unusual. There were also many police cars, police officers and gates pushed to the sides of the street which are used for crowd control and to block off streets. Then I noticed several tour buses and people standing around with press badges.

Turns out there was some type of gathering at the U.N. today. That's right, the UNITED NATIONS! It then occurs to me that 'I live here.' In the same city as the U.N. How cool is that?

But there's more. I needed to stop at the bookstore, too, so I did some more meandering. I passed 'Serendipity' the restaurant from the John Cusack movie and strolled down 5th Avenue. Central Park, The Plaza, the shops on 5th Ave. So often I get caught up in my day-to-day affairs I don't stop and realize where I live and all the cool things in the city. Fall in New York is magical!

Hand in Hand

Walking from my office to the train after work, I saw the cutest thing: a little girl holding her mom's hand as she walked along a ledge, balancing oh so carefully. And she went along for quite some time...until she had to hop off because of the man laying across her path, fast asleep (or passed out.)

And no one seemed to notice him.

Forgiveness

Tonight on my way home from church I was feeling very introspective. We are studying the Lord's prayer. Tonight's verse was Matthew 6:12 "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." It was a message that I felt was just for me. About forgiveness. Something I have been struggling with, (although unaware until tonight that I was) and something that is probably behind and underneath all my core issues. And as much as I needed to really let my emotions overflow while I was at church, I held it in until I could be alone and take some time to let it all sink in. I couldn't let myself be vulnerable. Which is really a nice way of saying that I was afraid to start crying, because I'm not sure if once I do that I'll be able to ever stop. (Looking back, this was a mistake, because once home I was unable to get back to that moment.)

So here I am today, a holiday, sick. Just a summer cold. Not sick enough to feel real miserable, just sick enough to not want to do anything. And I'm home alone. (which itself is a miracle.) Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe it's time for me to let down all my defenses and work through this forgiveness that I owe. Maybe then I will no longer have a barrier that separates me from fully experiencing God's grace and mercy. Maybe.

Taking the "high" way home

On the crowded G train on my way home from church tonight, I sat in between two young men. Across from us was another young man, whom I could tell was their friend. It only took a moment for me to realize that these boys were very high. They must have smoked many a blunt in an enclosed room for hours for their clothes to absorb so much of the odor. I looked to my right, then across at the boy on the other bench and said, "man are you boys high." To which I received a smile, then a laugh and a turn away. I also mentioned that if we rode many stops together, I was afraid I was going to get high just sitting next to them! (I didn't.)

We spoke for a couple of minutes, mostly me talking and them looking back at me all paranoid. (The boy sitting next to me did ask me a couple of questions, so at least he was following what I was talking about.) It was a situation that I wished I could have helped or influenced or encouraged them in some way. Explain that there is more to life than getting high. But trying to talk to someone when they're lit, probably isn't the best timing. I did pray for them. And who knows? Maybe I did touch them in some way.

Independent Woman

My yesterday started out not so great. I didn't get much sleep (roommates) and it was raining. I caught the bus, which wasn't too crowded, so I got a seat. (minor victory there.) I had to get up from my seat to let the lady sitting next to me off at a crowded stop, and got shoved about 15 different ways. I was cussing to myself about how unfair it is to start the day being pushed and shoved, and how this is one of the things in my NY life I could definitely do without. I was feeling sorry for myself. Poor me.

And then I saw her. Sitting in the front seat of the bus was a woman I had seen before. She is developmentally disabled. I sat next to her and her caregiver about a month ago. She was learning how to take the bus all by herself. Her caregiver was pointing out landmarks and showing her how to press the strip to indicate she's requesting a stop. I remembered how anxious and nervous she was.

And there she was today on the bus. All alone. An independent woman. I praised God then and there for the gift of allowing me to see her beauty, to put things in perspective. I hope to remember that my little annoyances are someone else's great achievements.

My Guilty Pleasure

Well, I did something I promised myself I would never do this week. And I can't believe I'm posting about it. They do say that admitting you have a problem is the start of solving the problem, so I guess that this is the first step. OK, here goes! After years of waiting for dentist and hair appointments to get my fix, I broke down and bought a Cosmopolitan magazine on Wednesday!

I honestly believe that what you put into yourself, you get back out. And that includes information and entertainment. I try to read papers to inform me of what is going on, or books that inspire me to be a better person. But there is just something about those titles on those magazines that grab my attention! And on Wednesday I was weak. Step One: I admit I am powerless over trashy magazines!

But, I admit, Thursday's commute seemed to go by really fast!

Acupuncture

One of the benefits of my job, apparently, is Acupuncture. On Wednesdays at our main location in Long Island City (that's in Queens to you non-NYers!) employees and clients are allowed to get free acupuncture. Kind of a weird benefit, but a benefit nonetheless.

So today I was in LIC for a meeting and thought, what the heck, I'll do it. 5 needles were put into each of my ears for about 15-20 minutes. And I felt so relaxed! And a little loopy. Like I do after a massage or yoga.

Acupuncture. I'm for it!

"Only in Brooklyn"

This is one of my favorite phrases to say lately. I come across something every day that makes me smile and think, "only in Brooklyn."

A recent example? Well, if you were a parent and wanted to take your kids to the beach on the weekend, and wanted to make that trip extra special, wouldn't YOU want to let them ride the bumper cars where they could "bump your ass off"???



Yep, Only in Brooklyn!

Beach

As I sit on my bed this rainy, overcast day writing this post, I am so grateful that my friend, Maria, called me to cancel our trip to the beach for today. We went yesterday instead. And I must say that yesterday was a picture perfect, not a cloud in the sky, kind of day. We spent almost 5 hours on the beach at Coney Island, and not a thing was missing, except for sunscreen!

Which is why I'm really doing nothing today. My backside is lobster red. It hurts to sit, it hurts to shower, it hurts to stand! I promise to never go out in the sun without sunscreen again! I've made that promise before, but this time I mean it!

But it was honestly a spectacular day. Relaxing in the sun with encouraging conversation from a friend; standing in the ocean and letting the waves lift me up and propel me backwards towards the shore; the pure joy on the faces of the people around me in the water, young, old, men, women, as the waves came upon them and knocked them over; watching the kids and adults (mostly adults) flying kites along the shore reminding me of my friends Mr. & Mrs. Dan (hope you can see the kites in the picture); and seeing all types of bodies in all types of swimwear (this was actually quite frightening in some instances!)

What will I remember most from this day? That I am a child of God and am deserving of happiness. I can ask God for what I want and what I need. I need to trust Him with my life. That He is always with me. That Satan is sneaky and puts doubt in my mind and my heart when I let him. Oh, yeah, and WEAR SUNSCREEN!

Fireflies

Tonight as I was walking to the train on my way home from church, I stopped for a bit at Stuyvesant Park to think. I am feeling pretty disconnected and thought I could clear my head.

And to my delight, the park was filled with fireflies! I haven't seen fireflies in ages. I remember seeing them as a girl camping (just ask any of my cousins or siblings about my mom worrying they'd burn a hole in her new tent!) The ones from my youth, I think, were yellow and large. These ones were small and lit up green. Magical.

I'm still feeling disconnected, but for a little while this evening I was transported somewhere else.

What is 4502, 2131, 205 & 2542?

Over all place, Gender place, Age place & Age-graded gender place for my race today in Central Park. My very first race. It was 4 miles in Central Park. And I finished! (see proud photo of self!) Which puts me into an age-graded performance level of 39.8% Which makes sense, 'cuz I feel like I'm only using about 40% of my body! There were 4732 finishers, 2305 of them women, which makes me faster than 230 people(if my math is correct, anyway), 174 of them women--223 women in my age bracket. (Notice I'm not mentioning that most of them were much faster than me!)



I decided sometime last fall that I was going to get in shape and start running. I ran for about a month, then quit when I moved to New York in November. I started back again in March, but haven't been too regular, running only once or twice a week, and never more than 2 1/2 miles or so.

But here it was race day. I was nervous, excited, and anxious. I had no idea where to pin my number, how to tie my chip onto my shoe. There were about 7,000 runners there. Completely overwhelming. I am so grateful to my friend Michelle, an experienced runner, who met me at the park and encouraged and ran with me. And I'm a slow runner. (Due mostly, I think, to my miniature sized legs and the fact that I'm not very athletic.) So she ran slow. (And walked with me when I needed to walk.)

And the best part? People on the sidelines clapping and cheering. Add that to the fact that only about 3-5% of the population runs and I'm feeling pretty proud today. Already thinking about my next race and how I can improve. First thing I'll do is run in the fall or spring when there isn't 94% humidity.

Ice Cream Truck

It's 10:40pm. Even though it's summer, it's been dark for quite a while. What's that I hear? Oh, it's the ice cream truck peddling his wares. Unusual at this time of night? Not in Brooklyn.

Delta

So I was checking the web for some info on Delta Airlines and noticed that they didn't have a tagline (You know, Fly the Friendly Skies, etc.) on their website. I think I may have one for them to use, although they are unlikely to. How about, 'Delta, We Treat You Rudely?'

I was coming back from Chicago from my niece's wedding. (More on this joyous occasion later!) For years I have flown NorthWest, and have built up a bit of frequent flyer miles since I used to travel a lot for work. So based on my financial situation now, it seemed that a free trip to Chicago using my miles was a good idea.

This is my first trip since Delta and NorthWest have merged. I have always been happy with the service I have received from NWA--they are (or were) truly professional. I didn't get a non-stop flight, so I had to fly to Detroit first from Chicago. The weekend was so action packed spending time with my family, that I didn't get much sleep. So I decided to take a little nap on the plane, which I'm sure many travelers do every day.

I was having a hard time getting comfortable, so I laid my head down on the table (just like they made us do in elementary school, remember?) It was pretty comfortable and I did get to sleep, and although you can't get a really deep sleep on a plane, it worked. But it is a short flight and before you know it, we started our descent--it was time to land.

And how does my flight attendant choose to ask me to put up my tray table? By stating, We're starting to land? Excuse me ma'am, I need you to put your table up? Gently tapping my shoulder to wake me up? No, none of these were her option. She decided the best method would be to slam her hand down on my tray table three times hard. Nice way to wake up, right? Nice customer service.

I must say, I am not a fan of Delta Airlines.

Six Seconds of Fame

My friends and I made it to the video. We're at 2:08 square dancing and 2:30 napping. So, I wonder, will I continue to get my 15 minutes of fame in 6 second increments?

http://improveverywhere.com/2009/06/15/the-mp3-experiment-six/
(Sorry, I still can't figure out how to post links!)

Unexpected Blessings

Tonight on the train home, I had the most beautiful experience. And seeing as I was on the L, that's saying a lot!

I was standing in the middle of a car, in between a family: a mother and son on one side, a father and daughter on the other. I rode with them for 3 stops and watched as they interacted with each other. It was the little boy who I first noticed. He was about 4 years old (the age I always picture my son when I'm feeling nostalgic or lonely for him--also, if I had to pick a favorite age of my son, it would be 4) and he asked his sister for a piece of gum he found in her backpack by motioning to her across the train. She shook her head no and he promptly stuck out his tongue at her.

Now this is not cute to parents, but it's incredibly endearing to those of us whose children are grown. What struck me was how the mother interacted with her children. It was so obvious that they were loved. And this despite the fact that the entire family was incredibly tired--both parents were nodding off, and so was their daughter, but not their son who was filled with energy.

I wish I had a better vocabulary so that I could express the joy I felt for being able to witness this family for even a short time. I wondered if they knew how lucky they were to have each other. I wondered if they knew that their parenting showed through their interactions, even to a stranger observing them on a train. I wondered if they were able to take in the joy of that moment, and the thousands of other moments that occur in their lives, instead of just letting in pass unnoticed. I wondered how many times in my own life I have let moments just like these pass me by because I was tired, or worried, or had my priorities mixed up.

I thank God that I was able to see clearly tonight and pray that I am able to keep my eyes open to notice the joy that surrounds me every day.

Church = Party on the Roof

Shaekspeare in the Park

One of the best things about this city is that there are a ton of things to do for free. Last night when I got home from Coney Island (now one of my favorite NYC spots!) I saw an email from a community member offering up an extra ticket to see Twelfth Night with Anne Hathaway in Central Park.

The tickets are free, you just have to stand in line very early in the morning or enter the online lottery to get tickets. Julia won them online. And I got to go with her!

It was fabulous! A comedy (who doesn't like a comedy?) with fabulous actors on a small stage in the center of Central Park. It did rain (they even had to take a rain delay shortly after starting--but it finally cleared up), I did get wet, and it turned a little cold, but that just adds to the adventure.

If you ever get a chance to go, GO!

Coney Island

Yesterday I decided to take the day off to do nothing but something fun and relaxing. (So if any of my roommates are reading this, I had this planned before you decided to have a spring cleaning day!) Which fit in perfectly with my small group bible lesson from this week, taking a Sabbath. There was much discussion as to what it means to take a Sabbath, but I went away with the understanding that it is important to take time to de-stress and unwind from the busy week. And especially in this city, where even going grocery shopping or doing the laundry can be a real chore!

So yesterday I started off my day by going to Coney Island. It was in the 70's and overcast, but after an entire week of rain (and especially getting rained on--no getting into your car from your attached garage in this city!) I considered it to be a perfect day!

It would be impossible for me to say everything I did, but I'm going to try! First was a stop at Nathan's Coney Island for a hot dog and fries, a must when going to Coney Island. They have a bunch of stand up tables, so I joined someone, (with his permission, of course) since there were no empty tables. Turns out he was a vendor on his lunch break. He had been coming to CI all his life, and told me about the many changes that have occurred at the park.

Then it was off to walk the boardwalk; a 5 minute free massage; a ride on the tilt-a-whirl (my absolute favorite ride ever!); played a couple of games of ski-ball; shot some objects in the shooting gallery (and I'm a good shot, too--I hit some buckets that sprayed water on the people who were next to me!); walked along the beach and went into the water up to my knees (it was cold); saw some people fishing (and they used chicken as bait--I think they were going for crabs?); saw an African festival; and read a book on the beach.

The thing that struck me most was the people. It wasn't too crowded since the weather wasn't nice, but the people there were all enjoying themselves. Kids swimming, making sandcastles, burying each other and their parents in the sand. And it seemed to me that most of the people there were not wealthy (me judging them by what they wore and had with them, shallow maybe, but probably accurate.) It reminded me a lot of how I grew up. I always remember having a ball with my siblings and cousins. We were poor, but we were always together and we always had a good time (until someone got hurt and we got yelled at, that is.) There were so many smiles and so much laughter on that beach, that I felt totally re-energized by being there around so many people who were able to enjoy the simple things in life.

That seems to vary so much when I see children, teens and adults of those who seem to have everything (meaning mostly $$$.) There doesn't seem to be as much joy and laughter. I hope that I can remember what is truly important in life, and remember to have joy and laughter every day, not because of what I have, but because of who I'm with and because I am truly loved by my creator.

Three Things, Minus One

Today was a funny day, although it's hard to say that this day stands out more than any other in NYC--something odd, funny and unusual happens every day. But three particular things stuck in my mind today.

1. When I got off the 6 train at 33rd Street, there was a pair of shoes stuck up on the gate. It struck me as quite funny, so I took out my cell phone and snapped a few pictures. That got me some strange looks from a couple of older business men, especially after I explained why I was taking the pictures, which only added to my amusement.

2. I love being on the subway when school lets out. (I also dread it at the same time because the kids are so loud and the train gets crowded fast!) I hear the funniest stuff from the kids (preteens and teenagers) when I eavesdrop on their conversations. (Okay, eavesdropping may be wrong, but it's totally unavoidable!) Today I heard a conversation between a couple of teens. One girl had her sidekick stolen. (I believe a sidekick is an mp3 player, but I may be wrong. If anyone knows for certain what it is, please feel free to school me!) And she thought she knew who took it. The young man was explaining what he would do if if someone took his--he was showing off some fighting moves--and exclaimed, "I mean you take my sidekick, that's like my wife." Funny; right? I smiled all the way as I transferred from the L to the G.

3. Okay, I know there was a third thing today that I found particularly funny, odd or unusual, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is. Am I getting so old that I'm losing my memory? Hmmm, maybe. And why didn't I just name this post 'Two Things' and not admit that I was losing my memory? I can't remember why. And now that I think about it, maybe that kid said 'life' and not 'wife.' That would make more sense. I must be losing my hearing, too!

MP3 Picture/another one

I don't know why pictures are so hard for me to post, but they are. Here's a square-dancing one.

On the Town

This afternoon, to wrap up Fleet Week, they showed the Oscar winning 1949 film "On the Town" starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra on the big screen in Times Square. I met a friend there. The movie was awesome, one I know my parents would have really liked. And there's nothing like sitting in the sun while watching a movie. Total cost: Free!



We also got to be entertained before the movie by some dancers. Total cost: Free! And Hebrew National was giving out hot dogs for, you guessed it, Free! (I went back to get a second one--free is pretty much my budget as of late.)

We even got to be interviewed by an AP Press Person for our opinion on turning the center area of Times Square into a pedestrian walkway only. (Don't bother to look for my name in any news stories, though, I really had nothing interesting to say!)

MP3 Pictures

We're famous! Our napping and square dancing pictures made the cut! I'm in lime green more towards the left, and my friends are in blue and red.

Starburst Jellybeans

I love Starburst Jellybeans. Even more than I love Skittles. And I consider Skittles to be my favorite candy. This year at Easter I never bought any, which is very unusual for me. And disappointing. So imagine my surprise when I was out with Kansas and James and they bought some Starburst Jellybeans they found in a Duane Reade (which is like a Rite Aid, for you Michiganians.) I thought they were only around for Easter! And I finally met someone who likes them as much as I do! Well maybe not quite as much as I do--you wouldn't see James trying to get one that was dropped on the ground and squished!

A Tree Grows on Pulaski Street

After months and months of asking, my landlord's daughter got a tree planted in front of our townhome.

Without a tree. (My bedroom is the tiny window to the left--the one that looks like a tiny little slit.)

Preparations for a tree.

With the tree. It's a Dawn Redwood. Definitely an improvement; right?

MP3 Experiment 6

I had quite an adventure today! And the most fun I've had in a while. I was part of the MP3 Experiment at Roosevelt Island hosted by Improv Everywhere. If you don't know about this, you must check out the 'link' below. Some of the 'events' they've held in the past include: Freeze in Grand Central Station, High Five Rob, No Pants Day, to name a few.

Today we had to all meet at R.I. and wear either a green, blue, yellow, or red t-shirt. And that's all you know. I had to download instructions onto my ipod, and really, expect anything. I just had to follow what the MP3 player said to do. And so, the hilarity begins, lasting 47 minutes. Highlights include square dancing, napping, freeze tag, Simon Says, ending with a fight of the green & blues vs the reds & yellows with blow up hammers and bats.

Don't know how long it will take for them to post the tape, but I think it'll be worth watching! (And if you happen to want to look for me, I'm in lime green!)


http://improveverywhere.com/
(Sorry, I can't remember how to do links!)

Fleet Week

This week is Fleet Week in NYC. For those of you who don't know, or who haven't watched SITC (Sex in the City), a whole bunch of sailors and marines descend on NYC for the weekend. There are displays and all kinds of activities on the Pier.

So far the only thing I've seen is a bunch of 12 year old looking young men in uniforms, drinking, puking and trying to get lucky while a bunch of young girls dressed scantily flirt with them. (I somehow thought it would be a little more exciting, or at least not so trashy, damn you SITC!)

I did have a little bit of fun while I was out with Kansas and James, but you'll have to wait for the pictures!

False Alarm

It was a false alarm. We do NOT have bed bugs! None of us have been bit, nor have we found any signs of the little critters, alive or dead. I can now go back to living normally--if how I was living is what you consider normal!

Looking at a Rat

Tonight as I was coming home from small group, I stepped onto the platform and waited for the G train. And waited. There was some type of alarm going off--sounded like an alarm that would go off if you went out an emergency exit only door--but much louder. It didn't stop.

Then I remembered that my son got me an ipod nano for mother's day. Since I was previously on the train with friends, I didn't think to use it. But the annoying alarm sound helped me to remember. I promptly put it in my ears and was swept away with Coldplay.

As I continued to wait for the G (seriously 6 A/C trains came and left before the G arrived!) and enjoy my music, I played my favorite platform-waiting game that I like to call "What can I find on the tracks?" And one of my favorite things was on the track, a rat. As I stood looking at the rat, I broke out into a smile, and then it hit me. My life is interesting. In a way I never would have imagined. I am happy.

Church in Central Park

Here is a picture of our last church meeting. We've started gathering at alternate locations on the second Sunday of every month. Don't you wish your church looked like this?

Preparations

Ok, here is what needs to be done when you prepare to spray for bedbugs. I won't write it all down, but I'm sure you'll get the idea.

Empty all drawers in bedroom. All bedding off the bed. Bed frames dismantled. All clothes to be washed/dried or dry cleaned and put into a sealed plastic bag. (For 4 weeks after treatment.) All bedding, sheets, blankets, drapes to be washed/dried or dry cleaned and put into a sealed plastic bag. (For 4 weeks.) All shoes in a sealed plastic bag. All art removed from walls. All items in bedroom to be packed (still not sure how.) Vacuum everything! (walls, baseboards, floors, etc.) Put vacuum bag in plastic, seal and throw away. Repeat vacuuming frequently for 4-6 weeks after extermination.

Are you getting the picture? What a nightmare! When I told a friend today about 'the bedbug situation' he stuck out his hand, shook my hand, and stated, "Welcome to New York." Welcome to New York indeed!

Good Night, Sleep Tight...

And Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite. Remember the little nursery rhyme? Well, I used to think it was a cute little saying. Not Anymore!! See this little critter pictured? Yep, he's a bedbug. And it's not cute. It's real, and in New York, there is a serious epidemic of them. There are stories printed about how serious the epidemic is. And there are some really gross ads on the subway which I just try to ignore. But not anymore.

Why, you ask? Well, because now they are a reality for me. Seems my little apartment has tenants who aren't paying their share of the rent! Short story: one was found in our bathroom; landlord was called; preparations are being taken (I'll write more on that later--you won't believe what you have to do!); on Monday the exterminator comes and will spray the little bastards to what I hope is their untimely death!

Oswald Chambers

What can I say? I love my daily devotional, My Utmost for his Highest, by Oswald Chambers. So many times it hits me exactly where I need to be hit. And sometimes it speaks into something I have really been struggling with. Today was one of those readings.

The Habit of Keeping a Clear Conscience
"...strive to have a conscience without offense toward God and men" (Acts 24:16).

God's commands to us are actually given to the life of His Son in us. Consequently, to our human nature in which God's Son has been formed (see Galatians 4:19), His commands are difficult. But they become divinely easy once we obey.

Conscience is that ability within me that attaches itself to the highest standard I know, and then continually reminds me of what that standard demands that I do. It is the eye of the soul which looks out either toward God or toward what we regard as the highest standard. This explains why conscience is different in different people. If I am in the habit of continually holding God's standard in front of me, my conscience will always direct me to God's perfect law and indicate what I should do. The questions is, will I obey? I have to make an effort to keep my conscience so sensitive that I can live without any offense toward anyone. I should be living in such perfect harmony with God's Son that the spirit of my mind is being renewed through every circumstance of life, and that I may be able to quickly "prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Romans 12:2; also see Ephesians 4:23).

God always instructs us down to the last detail. Is my ear sensitive enough to hear even the softest whisper of the Spirit, so that I know what I should do? "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God..." (Ephesians 4:30). He does not speak with a voice like thunder-His voice is so gentle that it is easy for us to ignore. And the only thing that keeps our conscience sensitive to Him is the habit of being open to God on the inside. When you begin to debate, stop immediately. Don't ask, "Why can't I do this?" You are on the wrong track. There is no debating possible once your conscience speaks. Whatever it is-drop it, and see that you keep your inner vision clear.

This is one I may need to re-read daily. Or at least until I stop struggling. Which I guess means I'll have to read it forever!

Job

I am now the new Court Advocate in the Bronx for TFS! I start on Monday, part time until June 11th, when it becomes full time.

Ugh! Gross!

Came across this disgusting slide show and felt compelled to share!
Warning: Do not view before eating, unless you're trying to diet!

http://www.medicinenet.com/skin_problems_pictures_slideshow/article.htm

Hiatus (feeling blue)

I haven't posted since I got back from Michigan. Truth be told, I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Seems like there hasn't been an aspect of my life that has been going quite right. (job, housing, friends, men, dating) I was hoping that a trip 'back home' would rejuvenate me. In a way, it did. And in a way, it didn't.

The good thing is that I have been in this place before. I know I'm not stuck here. I know that if I start showing some gratitude for what I do have, I'll feel a little better. And if I talk to people who care about me, they will help me to carry my burdens.

I spent a lot of my life focusing on the negative and I really have to make a conscious effort to be positive. Times like this, it is harder to do. But I am going to make the choice to be positive, show gratitude, and thank God for what he has done in my life and for my life.

I'm leaving...

on a jet plane--to Detroit to visit my son (and some friends and family--wish I could see them all!) I'll be staying with Joshua and I'm bringing some dirty laundry with me! (After all, he has a washer/dryer in his apartment, for crying out loud!)

Just What the Doctor Ordered

In the past 24 hours, I feel like I have been rejuvenated. I have been poured into by my community here in NYC. And it was exactly what I needed.

Met up with my favorite principal in Midtown, and we traveled to the Upper West Side (about 40 blocks too far--what I get when I let a tourist lead me!--a total of 80 blocks round trip out of our way) to have dinner with my favorite UWS couple. It was my first adult dinner party (not actually a party, I just think dinner party sounds better than simply saying dinner!) since I've been to NYC. There was wine, a fabulous home-cooked meal, and excellent conversation. An evening with three people I trust with my struggles and my secrets. People I can trust to help me see what I cannot see when I'm stuck. Followed by an invitation to spend the night, which I happily accepted.

Then after a quiet, restful night's sleep, a quiet morning drinking coffee and chatting, it was time for the ladies in my church to come over for our monthly women's bible study. (Really, it so reminded me of being back in my house in Rochester Hills, the quiet, peaceful way I used to be able to greet my Saturdays--so unlike Bed-Stuy, where I now live.) To be able to spend 2 hours or so sharing, bonding, and praying with the women in my life.

Yep, spending time in community. Just what the doctor ordered.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 5:16, 19-20 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

I am a Quitter

Don't know what has been brewing inside of me lately, but yesterday I did something uncharacteristic, although it is not the first time I felt like doing it. I quit my job at Trader Joe's. In the middle of a shift. What put me to this point? Pride, I guess.

I found out that several of the people that started with me were making $.25-$.50 more an hour. Were they more qualified? I don't think so. Do they have more responsibility? No. Don't know why, but it really started to bother me. Never mind that I'm making the salary of a 12 year old (which I could actually survive on, which is, of course, another story in itself!), but to then find out that 8 year olds are making more, it just didn't sit well with me. I'm still bothered.

But the worst part is that it really was a nice place to work, and I still believe it's an excellent company--worthy of the #2 Grocery Chain in America ranking it just received. I should have given notice and waited until I had another job before quitting. Definitely more adult. More responsible. But I didn't. And now, I wonder, how will I continue to shop there? Will they even want my business? Ahh, I guess that is when swallowing the pride comes into play--I'm definitely experienced with that!

When I get back from Detroit next week (can't wait! first time I'll be back since I moved--I'm not counting the 3 days I spent in December going through all my stuff in storage and packing, loading, repacking and moving!), my intention is to look seriously for a job I'm qualified for (not overqualified for) and something I believe in. I'm, of course, hoping that TFS comes through, but if it doesn't, I can't wait for them.

When I talked to my friend later in the evening, he mentioned I sounded defeated. Which really got me thinking. That is not a word I would have used myself, but it totally fits. I am feeling defeated. I can't help but on many occasions, especially of late, to raise my hands to God and say "really? this is where I'm at? doing this? really?" not understanding or knowing why or how or if he is using me for the kingdom. I'm feeling discouraged to think that I don't know how I'm being used or where I'm headed. I definitely don't feel up to the task. All I know is that I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and I'm uncertain as to whether or not I'm going to step off.

On a happy note, one of the things I definitely won't miss is the amount of butt cleavage I saw at TJ's! I mean really, it's understandable when you're bending over stocking shelves, etc. (understandable but still not desirable!) but when you're standing up straight and you've got 2+" showing---I will NOT miss that!

Street Findings

Sometimes I come across something weird or funny on the streets of NYC and have decided to start sharing them. (I may even start a new blog just for this kind of thing--who knows?)

A braided piece of hair found on Smith Street. Gross; right?


A gumball machine at the laundromat I go to. What, no gum? That's right, it's Bling Teeth!

Another Decision Made

Just to keep everybody updated, right after I decided that the admin job would suit me best, I was told the next day that it was given to someone else in the agency. Which still leaves me up for the position I really want, Court Advocate.

There does, however, seem to be some issues with hiring. They wanted to start me training two days a week (paid at least) and see how it goes. I took the stance that I should either be hired full time or not, and none of this 'see how it goes' business. I know the person who currently holds the position isn't leaving for a bit and they probably don't want to pay two salaries, but I also don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. (Which I have felt, as of late.) I would even be willing to start in a month or so, if that would help (of course, at this point, I'd have to have something in writing from them.) But I guess it's up to them now.

Don't know why I still have such a heart and a passion to work there, but I do.

Deminski & Doyle

My favorite talk radio guys in Detroit are back in Detroit on a new station! 94.7 They used to be an afternoon talk show I listened to almost religiously, although I'm not sure if I should admit it. (They can be a little, how should I say it, riske? Definitely more males from 20-40 make up their base audience. Not sure what that says about me???) Anyway they briefly switched to mornings, and I never did get hooked--I liked the afternoon slot better.

But then, the station switched to sports, and my 'guys' were gone, for what I thought was forever. But no, now I'm the one that's gone and they're back! So anyone in the Detroit area listen to D & D and tell me what you think. And let me know if Beaver and Rudy are still with them.

A Decision Made

For what's worth, I've decided to let TFS know that I am interested in the Administrative Assistant job. I think what really tipped the scales was that this would be a more comfortable position that would start sooner with a much easier commute. As well as working at the same location with the same people I've got to know over the last five months of volunteering. Not that I'm not looking for a challenge, but I could use something in my life right now that's not such hard work! (Now, of course, I'm doubting my choice.)

I was told that they would get back to me next week. Which is when I'll be in Detroit to visit my baby. And when I have two back-to-back 5pm - 1am shifts at TJ's. (One of which I can't make because I'll actually be in Detroit--didn't take off the right days. So I'm sure TJ's will be happy when I let them know that!) I was hoping for something more immediate. Like maybe I could have started the end of this week so I could train with the person who currently has the job. (Her last day will be when I'm in Detroit.)

Hmmm, maybe I need to learn some patience?

Job Offers

Yes, I said offers, not offer. I was offered another position at TFS. The first is as a Court Advocate which I wrote about in a previous post. The new job is as an Administrative Assistant in Long Island City (where I currently work in Queens.) Both jobs have similar pay, and both have pluses and minuses.

So how do I decide? I've started making a + and - list. I've prayed about it, and thought about it. But still not ready to make a decision. If I've learned anything, it's that I shouldn't make a decision until I feel calm and at peace with it. And I don't feel either now. So any extra prayers for discernment would be very welcomed!

The good thing is, I don't think I'll be stocking grocery shelves for the rest of my life!

Shooting

As I was sitting in my room tonight, relaxing after a long day at work and a trip to the Bronx to visit a friend, I was getting started on a new blog post. I was going to write about the most amazing thing I discovered today--the ice cream trucks in NY have soft serve ice cream in a cone!!!

It is very warm in my room (in the 70's today) so I opened my window. (Always a hard decision because of the noise, and when I was walking home I noted that my neighbors down the street were throwing a party.) But since I bought some foam ear plugs, I wasn't worried.

Then I heard a pop. A gunshot. And someone in the house directly across the street from me was shot. Not seriously. There was talk amongst the people outside, but no overt reactions. No one screaming. No one crying. Not much of anything. I saw a woman call for the ambulance on her cell phone. I waited. [picture taken from my bedroom window.]

About ten minutes or so later, a police car and an ambulance arrived. Then several more police cars. For about twenty minutes my street was lit up with flashing lights. Then the ambulance left. And the police cars. The party down the street is still going on.

Protest

One of the things I love most about this city is that there is always somebody doing something worth watching. Sometimes I'm entertained, if only mildly, and sometimes it's really not worth watching, but I am often surprised with the thought that this would never happen in MI.

Today on my lunch break, I saw this poster: So many people are really upset with the proposed increases to the subway fares. And with a 20% or so increase, it's no wonder. And when you rely on public transportation, there's not much you can do--you're stuck with paying what they charge. So I found the poster funny.

When I was coming back from lunch, I saw a little protest across the street from TJ's. There was a woman with a bullhorn, a couple of people holding signs, and most importantly, what there always is during these protests, a bunch of people walking right past them totally ignoring them!

Central Park

I wanted to add this picture of the Sonrise Service in Central Park. I don't think this picture can describe how beautiful it was. The day started dark and grey (of course, it was really early!) and as the service progressed the sun rose over the horizon, bathing us in a (almost) warm sunlight.

Even though this picture was taken only 5 days ago, I seem to have forgotten the glorious day I spent with my NY "family" the day my Savior rose for me. Posting this picture is a good reminder for me.

Now I'm off to hopefully find a friend who will hang out with me before I have to be to work at 3pm!

A Day in Court

Today I spent the day in the Bronx court shadowing Emma, the Court Advocate who works there. (She's fantastic!) TFS, my volunteer/temp job gig, has an opening for another Court Advocate, and I'm in the process of interviewing for that position.

To sum it up briefly, the CA screens and interviews potential clients who would benefit from our program as opposed to going to jail. Then it would be my job to get the attorney, DA and judge to agree.

I must say, I loved every minute of the day. There was lots of waiting, a video conference, meetings with clients and families, standing before the judge and more! This will be an incredibly challenging job, and there's so much to learn, and I'm so excited with the possibility that it could be my job.

What I thought would be the deal breaker was the commute. It's about 1 hour and 15 minutes one way. But as I rode out there this morning and back again this evening, I couldn't help but to think that it is a very nice commute. One bus to one express train, neither of which is very crowded--smooth.

Now all I have to do is get them to offer the job to me!

Easter Sunday

Another holiday where new traditions prevail. Another holiday where my only contact with my son is via cell phone. My days and holidays look so different than when I was in Michigan--before I moved to New York City with the church plant.

And I must say, what I have gained vs. what I have given up is incredible! I am so truly blessed by my new "family." It feels as if sometimes my heart stops for a second, I'm left with no words to describe my feelings, but I'm able to take a mental snapshot of the moment. It happened several times today--I was completely filled with joy and serenity.

My day started with a Sonrise Service (yes, Sonrise as in Son of God) in Central Park. Beautiful! I left Brooklyn at 5:50am, by car service. (First time I paid for a car/cab in NY! But split 3 ways with James and Amanda, and the fact that I didn't have to leave at 5am to catch a train, it was well worth the $$) After church, breakfast (and coffee!) with about 25+ at my friend's apartment.

Then to Murray Hill to my pastor's apartment with my visiting MI friends. A day spent relaxing in the sunny high-rise, snacking, reading, napping, and going to the park and playing on the swings with the girls. My day ended with having dinner with more of my "family."

This is never what I would have pictured for myself; where I am today, and how I spent my day. I wouldn't even have been able to imagine something so simple, yet so wonderful. I am so grateful that I have a God who not only gives me what I don't know I need, he also gives up everything on the cross so that I may have what I don't deserve: an eternity in his presence. Happy Easter! He is Risen Indeed!

My Record is Broken

I didn't think it possible, but someone on Pulaski street has beaten my record. I once went until mid February before taking down my Christmas Tree. But April???



(Picture taken last night! It's a Christmas tree at the curb awaiting garbage pick up.)

Exhaustion

So, what's the one thing that will get me every time? Sleep Deprivation. When I was younger I often worked either two jobs, or evenings. Didn't seem to affect me too much. Now, I just can't do it.

My Trader Joe's schedule is never the same. In a given week I can work days, afternoons and evenings--and a morning shift can follow an evening shift so you're lucky to get enough time to sleep in between. Now that they've been paying me at TFS, I've been working every day and sometimes doing doubles (day at TFS and the evening at TJ's.)

Well, it finally caught up to me yesterday. I went into TJ's for my early afternoon shift exhausted. I worked for one hour and I could feel myself just holding back the tears. I started thinking about how I'm working so hard to make $60 in a day (yes, in a DAY.) I'm not happy living with my roommates (they are messy!) My poor body has bruises and every muscle is sore (it's very physical work.) So I decided to tell my manager that my availability has changed--I'm no longer available.

She talked to me for a few minutes (she's really very nice) and I explained that I don't expect her to change things for me, but I can't continue to have my shifts all over the board--I need to have more of a set schedule. Then I started to cry (hey, it's what I do when I'm exhausted, I just usually try to not do it in front of people.) She told me to go home, get some sleep and I'll see her tomorrow and we can talk further.

I took her advice. I took a three hour nap yesterday, was up for a few hours having dinner, and went back to bed. I must say, I do feel more rested. (Still sore, though!) So now I'm getting ready to go in for my shift today, feeling a little embarrassed, and still not sure if she can do anything for me or if I should continue to work there. I guess I'll go and see what happens.

Extended Contract

They keep extending my 'contract' at TFS. I am now probably working until the end of April (if I can get Trader Joe's to agree.) I am really happy to oblige them, and not just because I'm getting paid. (Although, I wouldn't be working two jobs, and working every day without any days off if I wasn't making some extra dough.)

I am really enjoying my hours spent there. I continue to learn every day, and I'm hoping to come up with a training manual for my replacement before I leave. (Nice of me; isn't it?) And I love the people there. It's a good organization.

And in two weeks I'm going to spend a couple of days in the courthouse in the Bronx. (Not getting paid.) I've applied for the Court Advocate position, and this is a way for both of us to see if it's a good fit. It sounds like something I want to do and that I'd be good at. The only drawback I can see for now is a killer commute. (1 hour 15 minutes each way per hopstop.) And it would be a two year commitment.

But I'm not going to worry about something that may not ever be. Actually, I'm not going to worry at all. If it is in God's will for me to work there, it'll happen, and if not, not.

Uninvited Guests

Be careful what you ask for, you may get it. This is a repeating lesson in my life. I must admit, God knows just how to get me to be grateful for what I have!

So I finally got some much needed alone time. It was a nice little vacation. There was TV. There was no mess not made by me. Everything remained neat, tidy and in it's place. There were bugs and roaches. Wait, I didn't wish for that!

So now I have a new appreciation for where I live. We are bug and rodent free! I suppose now I can be more tolerant of what I do have where I live because I'm grateful for what I don't have!

Ahh, Home Sweet Home!

Sleeping Alone?

After sleeping in a twin bed all by myself since I moved to NY, yesterday I spent the night on a QUEEN-SIZED MATTRESS, and not alone. Skyler the dog and Schug the cat joined me sometime in the night. They are the most snuggly animals! I really lucked out getting to watch these pets. None of the nonsense of the Brooklyn chicken-bone-eating dog! (Although I never imagined that the next time I didn’t sleep alone, it’d be with a pet!)

Calling Out Sick

Yesterday and today I have had such terrible sinuses, that I called out sick from TJ’s. That’s right; I called out sick, not called in sick. That’s what they say in NY, out not in. Weird; huh?

On Vacation

I’m on a 5 day vacation. Not from my work, but from my home. I’m in the hilly area of the Upper West Side. Not sure if I’m in Harlem (Spanish Harlem) or the Bronx. I’m apartment sitting, and dog and cat watching, for a couple from my church. I must say, I’m in heaven. I am all alone, which is the first time I’ve been alone since I moved out of my house in July, and the best part is: THEY HAVE CABLE!

No dirty dishes in the sink (unless I left them there), in fact, no messes at all; if I put something in the fridge, it’s there until I take it out! Ahh, and so much more! I think I’ll try to vacation more often.

On the G Train

I knew it was going to be an interesting trip to the Upper West Side by the way it started. When stepping onto the platform at the Bedford/Nostrand stop (My stop), I saw a Gerber Daisy taped to a paper sign for Cassie P. How sweet is that!



When sitting on the bench waiting for the train, a woman approached me and asked me if I would watch her bag while she jumped down into the tracks to get a piece of paper she dropped. (In order for me to jump down there, it would not have to be a paper I dropped; it would have to be a child who fell that I needed to rescue!)

So she jumps down and couldn’t get back up. I go to her and offer her my hand, (which, of course, is useless, I wouldn’t be able to lift her) when a man steps in and lifts her up. She is safe and has retrieved her very important paper. The man who lifts her up hits her up for a dollar—she gladly gives it to him. Then another man starts talking to her, and they talk until the train comes, and then for several more stops. I think he gets her number.

As for me, I return to the bench, along with 3 other women in their late 30’s to 50’s. We talk about how none of us would have jumped down to the tracks, although two women admit that they have done it themselves in the past when they were young. The talk turns to the neighborhood, child rearing, and how things have changed.

I continue my conversation with one of the women that lasts through several stops and a transfer. I have made a friend in the neighborhood. The young lady who jumped down in the tracks isn’t the only one who exchanged phone numbers yesterday afternoon.

The Look of Friendship

I am an incredibly blessed person. I am blessed with true friendship, and I was reminded of that again tonight in church.

This week was tough for me. I expressed this to my friends and have been encouraged by them. But tonight I received something special.

During our small group prayer time, we were sharing our prayer requests. I stated one request and then glanced at my friend, Jennifer. I didn't speak. (I don't think I could have without crying.) She didn't speak. But we did look at each. In that look was love, understanding, empathy, support. All in a look. She knew what was on my heart. And when we were done sharing and started praying, she prayed for exactly what I needed.

It is hard to believe that there was a time in my past where I could not allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone. I was too afraid of being hurt. Now, I may still get hurt from time to time, but I am also able to experience comfort like I never thought possible. Being vulnerable is definitely worth the risk. Thank you God, for my friends and my community!

Spring

Pussy willows (my favorite) are in season and I bought a new floral dress. Can only mean one thing: SPRING IS FINALLY HERE! Of course it snowed yesterday (the first official day of spring) but I'm sure I'll be wearing flip flops any day now:)

Transparent, Honest and Authentic

So I've decided, or realized, something about myself, something that I like very much about me. And that is the fact that I'm able to be transparent, honest and authentic. You don't have to guess what I'm really thinking--it's right there on my face. I don't have to remember what I told one person, and did I tell the other person something different? I'm simply honest. I don't feel out of place in my own skin, nor do I try to be something I'm not. I'm just authentic. Ahh, if only everyone in my life could be this way!

And what got me thinking about this? After almost two months of dating someone, I discovered he's dating someone else, too. When I last saw him, he mentioned going to a movie recently. I thought about it after I got home (denial is still my first reaction--at least I don't stay there long!) and sent an email asking him how many women he's dating. I got my answer: two. And a quirky little comment about he's assuming there will be questioning later. Weird. Two days later and I haven't heard anything from him. Nothing.

So now I'm a little sad (much less sad today than I was yesterday), but mostly I feel sorry for him. It must be hard to live a lie. I'd rather be healthy and alone. So I'm going to focus on being grateful. Grateful for the growth I've experienced this last decade; grateful for knowing that I deserve to be treated much better; grateful for the friends I have who care about me; grateful especially for the knowledge that no person can fill me up, but that I have a God who can. And does.

Jobs, Vocations & Volunteering

So I didn't get the full time position at TFS. They decided to give it to someone who has been with the organization for five years. But who knows what will come of it? I have been able to step in and give them a hand when they really needed it, and I know they have really appreciated my help. I know that I should be able to have the temp job until the end of the month. So that's some extra money. (Well not really extra, but more.) And I have been told of another job that may actually suit me better (working directly in the courts) and I have expressed interest in that position.

Or maybe I'll get accepted in school and be able to be a full time student in the fall. TJ's would then be a great job to have--more flexibility with scheduling. I do not know what the future holds.

And I'm still willing to volunteer at TFS because I believe in the work they do and I have a heart for the people who are served there. And it's not all about me anyway; right? I have every belief that God will provide for my needs--my wants and desires are entirely something else, but my needs are always met. So if that means I continue to work at Trader Joe's and volunteer at TFS, then that sounds pretty good to me.

Roosters

One thing that happened on my retreat that would never happen in NYC (although I should learn by now to never say never!) and that is nearly being attacked by roosters!

I skipped breakfast on Saturday morning, thought more sleep would prove to be in my best interest, so I was walking to the meeting room eating almonds and cranberries (a staple for me to carry around since moving to NY--you never really know if you'll get stuck somewhere and miss a meal) out of a ziplock bag.

All of a sudden these two roosters and their two friends (one may have been a hen, but I don't know for sure. After all, I'm, if not a city, then for sure a suburb girl and wouldn't know the difference! In fact, someone had to tell me they were roosters; alls that came to my mind was farm animals) started coming at me. It was a little frightening. At least until I remembered I am much bigger than they were and could easily kick them. (Which I didn't...but later that day I did see superstar kick one.)

Here they are. Ferocious looking; right?

Communitas Retreat

This weekend marked the first time I left the city since I moved here. (I am not counting the three days I spent in early December going through all my boxes in storage, unloading my van, reloading my van and repacking everything back in storage--definitely not a weekend getaway!) Just being away from the pace of NYC, the noise, the trains in itself was a treat. But there was so much more.

I went to Pennsylvania on a church retreat. (Check out the pictures of the main house and the view.) It was awesome! I can't believe how much closer I feel to my fellow teammates. Funny how a couple of days relaxing and playing games (volleyball, ultimate frisbee, euchre, apples to apples, etc.) can bring you closer. Oh, and I got to climb a tree! (No gear, just free climbing, but I loved it!)

We also had some great worship leaders--a couple who joined our church just three weeks ago--who led us with some great songs and a fun game (I will never forget Man, Gun, Gorilla!) I've been really missing New Community and worship music and this totally filled a void.

And, of course, there was teaching. We spent time together and alone learning and searching for what our idols are. Any time we put something on the pedestal instead of God, Satan gets a stronghold. And I have mine. And Satan knows. And he uses it to put distance between me and Jesus. So again I'm putting things into perspective, knocking down my idol, and putting Jesus back on top of my pedestal.