Hiatus

So I suppose some of you may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while, and some of you (at least one of you!) may have noticed that the last time I posted was on Nov. 4th and am now off your list of 'blogs I read.' The longer it's been since I haven't blogged, the harder it is to write---not because I have nothing to say, but because I feel compelled to explain why I haven't written and what has been going on. So I think the best thing to do is to just jump in without an explanation and stop letting opportunities to share pass me by.

But, for those of you know me, know I can't do that and instead will post the blogs I started over the last few months (in various stages of completedness) with the date started.

Following God's Will
10/25/09
It's funny, but it's hard to follow God's will when you don't take the time to ask Him what His will is.

Homeless and Stuffless
11/3/09
I have been living for nearly a year and a half now without most of my belongings. In July of 2008 I sold nearly everything I owned in preparation to move to NY. The little bit I kept was put into storage, in Michigan. I then spent 3 months living with my cousins. Then to Brooklyn where I lived in "community" for a year. In a tiny, tiny room with no closet.

And now, where do I find myself? Without a home, again. Other than a suitcase, a box and a bag, the rest of my belongings are on a truck. A truck which is parked somewhere along the East River. A truck that in a few days will be headed to MI for the month. With my stuff on it.

My life just keeps getting more and more 'interesting.' And by interesting, I mean unbearable. I am...

Doubt
11/3/09
I'm doubting the existence of God. I have a hard time believing in someone, something, that can continue to push, and push, and push.

I feel as if I am being pushed and held down underwater. But the worst part is that for a moment, I am allowed to come up for air. And as I take a breath, I start to have hope that I will be able to breathe. And then I am held under again. I can handle being held down underwater. It is the cruel taunt of being let up for air where I can catch my breath that is the torture. The struggle of fighting my way to the surface is exhausting...exhausting in body, mind and spirit.

I just want to be able to breathe without swallowing water.

NYorkiversary
11/9/09
Monday marked my one year in New York City! So many changes this year, I don't know where to begin.

So as you can see I haven't been totally idle these past few months. In fact it has certainly been the hardest few months in the past few years, but I have experienced much growth. It was just easy for me to get wrapped up in and absorbed in my own version of my story without realizing that I am not the author of my novel.

In summation, for those of you who have actually continued to read this lengthy piece, I have had to rely and trust in God, learn to ask for help and receive it, confess and repent of my sins, receive forgiveness. And all this I learned through moving out of Brooklyn before it is time, living with friends (who continue to amaze me with their way of living open-handedly), trying to find an apartment in this city with bad credit and one I could afford, moving (without my belongings), no internet access, a trip to MI (but not for the holidays), finally receiving my belongings, and another Thanksgiving, Birthday, and Christmas in New York without my family.