God Loves Me

I've been reading 'Blue Like Jazz' (Thanks Superstar, I love this book!) the last couple of days and what I read tonight on my way home from work hit me like a ton of bricks. I have not been able to accept God's love. I think I will be forever stuck until I can humbly receive God's unconditional love.

Of course I will also have trouble forgiving. And accepting others. And loving others. Before I can give anything to anyone, I must first receive. The values at our church are: Love, Lock, Live. Love others, Lock arms with each other, and Live open handedly. But before we can love others, we are told we must first receive God's love. I have heard that saying so many times. And it is just now clicking with me. Funny how it sometimes takes many times for something to resonate!

And why can't I receive God's love? Now that is the tricky part. For whatever reason, deep down, I don't believe I deserve it. But that is changing.

Riding on the bus and reading the book and realizing that I need to receive His love, I had a vision. (Not like a psychic vision or anything crazy like that) but a picture in my mind of how much God loves me. Instead of me picturing me running to Him, I saw God noticing me from the corner of his eye and running towards me. Yes, towards me! He was so happy to see me because his love for me is overwhelming...and unconditional. I was surprised by his action, delighted with his attention, and warmed in his presence.

So now I have a new goal. I'm going to stay in this place of just simply being loved and adored by my creator. For as long as I need to. I am going to just receive until I am filled up. And I think God is delighted with my goal.