Forgiveness

Tonight on my way home from church I was feeling very introspective. We are studying the Lord's prayer. Tonight's verse was Matthew 6:12 "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." It was a message that I felt was just for me. About forgiveness. Something I have been struggling with, (although unaware until tonight that I was) and something that is probably behind and underneath all my core issues. And as much as I needed to really let my emotions overflow while I was at church, I held it in until I could be alone and take some time to let it all sink in. I couldn't let myself be vulnerable. Which is really a nice way of saying that I was afraid to start crying, because I'm not sure if once I do that I'll be able to ever stop. (Looking back, this was a mistake, because once home I was unable to get back to that moment.)

So here I am today, a holiday, sick. Just a summer cold. Not sick enough to feel real miserable, just sick enough to not want to do anything. And I'm home alone. (which itself is a miracle.) Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe it's time for me to let down all my defenses and work through this forgiveness that I owe. Maybe then I will no longer have a barrier that separates me from fully experiencing God's grace and mercy. Maybe.