I am a Quitter

Don't know what has been brewing inside of me lately, but yesterday I did something uncharacteristic, although it is not the first time I felt like doing it. I quit my job at Trader Joe's. In the middle of a shift. What put me to this point? Pride, I guess.

I found out that several of the people that started with me were making $.25-$.50 more an hour. Were they more qualified? I don't think so. Do they have more responsibility? No. Don't know why, but it really started to bother me. Never mind that I'm making the salary of a 12 year old (which I could actually survive on, which is, of course, another story in itself!), but to then find out that 8 year olds are making more, it just didn't sit well with me. I'm still bothered.

But the worst part is that it really was a nice place to work, and I still believe it's an excellent company--worthy of the #2 Grocery Chain in America ranking it just received. I should have given notice and waited until I had another job before quitting. Definitely more adult. More responsible. But I didn't. And now, I wonder, how will I continue to shop there? Will they even want my business? Ahh, I guess that is when swallowing the pride comes into play--I'm definitely experienced with that!

When I get back from Detroit next week (can't wait! first time I'll be back since I moved--I'm not counting the 3 days I spent in December going through all my stuff in storage and packing, loading, repacking and moving!), my intention is to look seriously for a job I'm qualified for (not overqualified for) and something I believe in. I'm, of course, hoping that TFS comes through, but if it doesn't, I can't wait for them.

When I talked to my friend later in the evening, he mentioned I sounded defeated. Which really got me thinking. That is not a word I would have used myself, but it totally fits. I am feeling defeated. I can't help but on many occasions, especially of late, to raise my hands to God and say "really? this is where I'm at? doing this? really?" not understanding or knowing why or how or if he is using me for the kingdom. I'm feeling discouraged to think that I don't know how I'm being used or where I'm headed. I definitely don't feel up to the task. All I know is that I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and I'm uncertain as to whether or not I'm going to step off.

On a happy note, one of the things I definitely won't miss is the amount of butt cleavage I saw at TJ's! I mean really, it's understandable when you're bending over stocking shelves, etc. (understandable but still not desirable!) but when you're standing up straight and you've got 2+" showing---I will NOT miss that!