A Cab Ride Home

I have such a wonderful small group. This weekend I hurt my foot and have been having a hard time walking. Not exactly great when considering I walk at least a mile a day just to and from work! (Went to the podiatrist today and discovered it is a heel spur--rest, stretching, icing, $40 inserts, Yes, $40 inserts until I can get the $495 custom ones, oh, and a shot of cortisone, and I'll hopefully be right as rain!) So as I'm leaving Bible study, what do they do? They gave me money and put in a cab so I didn't have to walk! How sweet is that?

Alas, it will probably be my last cab ride home. It cost $17.50 for the ride! I need to either make more money or find more friends closer to home!

Insecurity

My day started like many of my days lately. I awoke before my alarm went off, feeling tired and not wanting to get out of bed. But I did something different: I got up without hitting my snooze. I had time to make my lunch and do my hair. And I did something else different and new: I went to a Bible church in Inwood (The upper tip of Manhattan) to watch a simulcast of Beth Moore with a couple of friends.

The simulcast focused on Beth Moore's new book, So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us. This is the first Beth Moore book I have read. (Well, mostly read...do to the situation, I still have about a quarter of the book to finish.) The first time I've heard her speak too. And I must say, I would watch her again and again! God is absolutely using her to reach women!



I have struggled with insecurity my whole life. It has affected so many decisions I have made (and so many more that I haven't made) than I even care to think about. So many of my thoughts and beliefs have been with me for so long, that I don't even recognize that they are NOT true. I believe them all the same. Since making a choice and deciding to follow Christ, my security should be found only in Him. And that is a true, biblical statement. But still I struggle with believing that truth.

So what did I learn today that will help me break this pattern of insecurity? That nothing can hold us back like if we don't believe that we're forgiven. And I don't, at least not always. That this battle is won in our minds. And we can take our thoughts captive to Christ and be triumphant. That we can not wait until we feel secure to act. We must take that step, do something different, ask ourselves 'how would a secure woman respond?'

But the thing that hit me the most was to put off my old self and put on my new self. (Read Ephesians 4:1 - 5:2.) It's a choice. And I can give myself permission to do things differently. I can freely say, "That was the old me, this is the new me." (Even if the old me was yesterday.) I can change. I can allow God to change me.

So my hope is that from here on out, all my days will start differently. They will start with me putting off my old self and putting on my new self. And that I do that until it becomes habit. And maybe someone will notice that difference and make a change for themselves.

The Other Boleyn Girl

Just watched The Other Boleyn Girl. Good movie, I really enjoyed it. I was a little distracted though, by a thought that kept running through my head, "Why is Ann Boleyn wearing Ugly Betty's necklace?"

Upper East Side Dinner

So there I was. In a trendy, upper east side, italian restaurant. Candle light. Nice glass of wine. Fabulous dinner. With a man. Sounds like I've finally had a dream date, right?

Not so. The night was a Tuesday, it was so dark I couldn't read the menu, and the man was an 87 year old neighbor of my friends. Their friend. My friend too. I had the pleasure of escorting Bernie to his college writing class. Yep, you read correctly, his college writing class.

What an inspiration he is to me. At 87, this is his first college class. He moved into the city from Long Island after his wife of 60 years passed away. Living alone for the first time in a long time. Struggling at first, but becoming stronger. Stepping out and experiencing new things. How I wish my own father would have had the courage to do the same.

And how I hope to remember his courage as I continue to step beyond my comfort zone and reach for things I never reached for before. Things I never thought I deserved. I mean, if an 87 year old can write his first short story and read it in front of his class, what should I be afraid of?

Thank you for a wonderful evening, Bernard!

Basement

So I think there's a girl living in my basement. Really. It's kind of creepy.

Shortly after I moved in to my new studio apartment (really, I do love living alone!) I met a woman in my building who was in the process of moving. Within three minutes she told me how she was being evicted and was going to live on the 5th floor with her friend. A little too much information was shared for someone I just met.

I have seen her several times since then, either in the building or just outside the building on the street. And lately, due to the situation, I have seen her in the laundry room and the storage area, both of which are located in the basement. When I see her, I usually smile. But sometimes I feel like I'm disturbing her or invading her privacy by making eye contact. Sometimes we speak, and sometimes she looks at me like she doesn't know me and ignores me when I say 'hello.'

A couple of weeks ago she was putting on make-up in the laundry room. And going back and forth from the gated storage area to the laundry room. And she wasn't doing laundry, either. Today I saw her coming in from the basement door, which is where the trash is kept. The basement door is not an entrance, although you can get in that way from the street. She went into the gated storage area. And I have also seen people coming in from outside through the basement door. Men. And they go into the gated storage area. Maybe there is more than one person living in the basement. Or maybe there's only one person and she has visitors.

I'm not sure what to think, but I can tell you that it's weird, creepy and sad all at the same time.

The Irony in the Story of Stuff

I watched this video about two years ago that I thought was incredible. Since I still can't figure out how to add a link, type this in: www.storyofstuff.com
It really made me think of how we are a nation consumed with consumerism.

So a few weeks ago I'm early for an appointment and am browsing in a bookstore to kill time. This is what I see.



Anyone else see the irony here?

Protest

For those of you who don't know, I work in the Bronx as a court advocate for an alternative to incarceration program. So, I was on my way back from interviewing a client I had produced in the department of corrections. To quickly sum up: orphaned, drug abuser, homeless, friendless and now dying. I'm trying to get him into a nursing home where he can die with dignity instead of in prison. His crime? Sleeping in a church and stealing their food.

So I leave supreme court and head next door to criminal court where my office is located. What do I see? A protest, cameras rolling. I stop a court officer and ask what is the commotion? It seems a Senator is demanding more time for offenders who are caught doing graffiti more than once. Yes, that makes sense. That's where our efforts should be gathered. More jail time for graffiti artists.

Now I want to protest. But I think first I will go the ladies room to cry...

Laugh

Ok. This just makes me laugh every time I see it.
Out loud. Every time. Enjoy!

Joy

About a month ago, I finally figured out what I have been lacking in my life: joy. So at my small group I asked my friends to pray for joy for me. I then made a note to concentrate on gratitude. I started reading Attitudes of Gratitude--a few stories each day in the morning. When I prayed to God I started by thanking him for all my blessings, whatever I could think of. And whenever I felt myself slip into something resembling envy or self-pity (which was pretty often), I took my thoughts captive and again gave God praise, thanked Him and then felt gratitude.

I find myself pondering, can it really be that simple? Is it just a matter of how I decide to think about something? Can I really change my thoughts? And the answer must be yes, it is that simple. And I believe if I take my thoughts captive to Christ, He can (and does) change them.

And I know this because I have JOY in my life! And my outward world has not changed for the better. In fact, some things have gotten worse. But inwardly, so much has changed. No longer will I listen to those negative voices that have always whispered in my ear, things like: you're not good enough; you're not smart enough; that does not look good on you; look at what those people have; you don't deserve that.

I now know that those are lies of the enemy and I can choose to not believe them. Yes, I CAN CHOOSE TO NOT BELIEVE THEM! It really is that simple to have Joy in your life.

Megashopping

Last Friday after work, I hit the jackpot! Less than 20 minutes from my work (and my apartment) is the mother of all shopping centers. I'm not talking malls...have yet to see a mall in the city...think it could most be compared to a strip mall. All the specialty stores in one place!



[Target; B.J.'s (that's like Costco); Bed, Bath & Beyond; Home Depot; Toys R Us; Marshalls; Best Buy] [A Target less than 20 minutes from my home--I'm still smiling over this revelation!]

Shopping in NYC and finding places to shop in NYC isn't easy. To be sure, there are great stores here. Any store you've ever been to probably has a store here in NY. But the stores I'm used to shopping at to just 'stock up' on items is a rarity to find in the city. And now I know where they are! And they are close!

Now to find a way to conveniently carry my purchases, walking about 10 blocks and riding the train, all the way to my home...