Friendship

Of all the things I have struggled with since moving to New York, loneliness is at the top of the list. It's funny how I can live in such a busy city, constantly surrounded by people, and yet be lonely. So I have put finding friends at the top of my prayer list. (A man would be nice as well, but really friends are what I miss the most.)

Two weeks ago, my prayer was answered. Not how I thought it would be (which is how my prayers are often answered) with a new friendship with someone who lives in the city, but exactly how I needed it to be.

I received an email a few weeks ago from my high school friend's sister, who would be in town with a friend that coming weekend. She would be in the city on Friday, would I have time to meet? My answer was yes, I'd love to see her. Since I have been friends with Cherie for such a long time (really I hate to think it's been that many years since high school!) I know her whole family; mother, step-father, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. And I knew right away that this was an answer to my prayer for friends.

On Friday after work, I met Carol and Olga at the corner of 43rd and 6th, where they were dropped off after their SITC bus tour. They were meeting her cousin for dinner later that night, so I had a little bit of time to catch up and show them around a bit. (I actually had a lot more time than we thought--her cousin works long hours in the financial district, and he's Colombian. And if you have ever heard the expression 'Colombian time' you know that it is always later than they say, in this case 2 hours later!) So I showed them Bryant Park and we had a cocktail at the bar in the park. And BTW, if you're young and single, that is the place to be on a Friday after work--the place was overfilling with men! And I think I saw Crosby from the TV show Parenthood. And since I have yet to see a famous person since moving here, I'm going to go with the thought that it was him!)

After the park, Olga invited me to dinner. Of course, I said yes! We walked up 5th Avenue, stopped in St. Patrick's cathedral, and went to Times Square on our way to the restaurant where we waited (Colombian time) for Enrique, Olga's cousin. We had great Sangrias, a charming and good looking Latin waiter (Enrique taught me how to flirt with a Latin man--evidently you just have to say "Poppy" at the end of your sentence!), fabulous food (I think our dinner was served about 10pm) and so much laughter. Carol and Olga are such nice women and so fun that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. And I was reminded again to appreciate the moment that was right in front of me instead of wishing for something else. Prayer: Check. Prayer Answered: Check.

The Divine Ms. M. (and I don't mean Bette Midler)

I have had the greatest opportunity and experience the last 10 months or so, and the miracle is that I actually see it as such. What started out as what felt like my world crashing in around me has turned out to be a deeper healing of my spirit than I would have thought possible.

Back in August, I attended my monthly Women's Prayer Breakfast. I love these gatherings where I can be with women of different ages in different stages of faith. I always learn something and I always walk away feeling so complete and full. This particular day, during the meeting time, I completely lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. The women present gathered about me, laid hands on me, and prayed for me. And Ms. M. reached out to me, and I accepted her help. And from that day on, I had a mentor.

There is so much that I could say about the many things I have learned since that morning: the healing I've experienced; that I don't have to live my future defined by my past; how to be vulnerable and trust another human being. But what I mostly want to talk about is Ms. M. and how she loved me.

Each week she set aside a day for us to meet. I would come straight from working in the Bronx to her place in Manhattan, then home to Brooklyn. Ms. M. told me not to worry about dinner, she would prepare something for me. Every week those first few months she cooked for me. I have never had someone take the time to prepare meals for me like that. (Of course, my parents made me thousands of meals, but it was more just a chore for them instead of them being able to show their love for me by cooking for me. Sadly, this is how I prepared most of my son's meals too--out of necessity or obligation rather than an opportunity to love on him.) She was consistent, and giving, and I learned to accept her kindness.

After dinner we would pray and talk and listen. I would journal throughout the week and share what I wrote with her. She instructed, guided, corrected and showed me a new way to live. In the beginning I would be so emotionally drained after our 'sessions' that I could hardly make it home--it was exhausting work. And so Ms. M. told me (yes, told me, since I had a hard time accepting any kindness) to bring clothes with me and to spend the night. So I did for many weeks.

And things got better for me. I learned so much. I learned how to rely on God no matter what. Today, I have a deeper relationship with Jesus than I ever have before. I am still learning, still growing. I continue to be inspired by Ms. M's faith and perseverance. I can never express in words what she means to me or how much gratitude I have for her friendship. I can only hope that one day I am able to do for another young woman what the Divine Ms. M. has done for me. And I think that's the best way to honor her.

Secret Talents

So I believe that we all have a secret talent. Most of us don't know what ours is. I know mine. This idea of a secret talent was introduced to me several years ago by my friend DH. Hers is finding things. A pretty useful secret talent, if you ask me.

Mine? Not so useful. And until this past month, it's never caused me any trouble either. It's finding four leaf clovers. Seriously. I've found hundreds of them in my life. Nothing more relaxing than sitting in a clover patch, searching for four leaf clovers. Really, I do find it relaxing.

But to the trouble part. I walk a pretty dangerous path on my way to work. There's a little curb next to the street with a raised brick flower bed I balance and walk across from the train to a shortcut tunnel. (And who doesn't like to use a shortcut on their way to work?) So this morning I'm walking and balancing and I notice a great big patch of clover. Of course, my secret talent takes over and I start to look for a four leaf clover. I lose my balance, fall in the street, and my backpack (which was pretty loaded with stuff and was heavy) kind of rolls me over on my side a little.

Well, I'm feeling pretty stupid. And clumsy. And luckily not too injured. A guy in a car asks out his window, 'Miss, you okay?' 'I'm fine,' I reply. After all, it's only my pride that hurts. I limp away, head to my office, detour to the ladies where I wash the dirt and pieces of gravel off my legs and think, 'that's the second time this month I tripped and fell in the road while looking at clovers.' Yep, I have a dangerous talent.

Luckily, I have a second secret talent, or maybe it's more of an ability. I have freakishly small wrists and can reach very small spaces. Ahhh, now that's a useful talent!

Okay, this is only a three leaf clover her daddy is handing her, but you can't fault me for throwing up a picture of the grandbaby now, can you?

Friends and Lovers

I can't help but to think that there's something inherently wrong with me. I have a difficult time making friends, I think I always have. And I am apparently repulsive to the opposite sex. I don't really know why. I have been questioning lately if my problem with forming new relationships is because I have a history of being rejected in my past. And I carry that baggage with me even when I don't want to. And how do I remedy this problem? I reject others first so they can't reject me. Well, that's unhealthy, but definitely true. But to what degree do I do this? Evidently enough to keep me from making new friends.

Isn't there part of me who just wants to be liked anyways? There is. I want someone to recognize that part of me that is still willing to give my heart away. To be vulnerable. To care, to love, to laugh. Can that part even be seen any longer? I think maybe it can't. And that saddens me to my core. And it's a shame. I am Loyal. And True. Aren't those great attributes to have in a lover or a friend? I think so.

I heard, not audibly, but I definitely felt God telling me last week that I don't have to stay in NYC. Not forever, anyway. Doesn't mean I can leave now, in fact, I don't know when I can leave. But it is the first time I have heard or felt that this move wasn't permanent. And that brought such joy to me that I could hardly contain myself. Even 'The Situation' couldn't keep me from being happy!

But now I'm thinking, what is in store for me when I go back to MI? Whenever that happens, I'll have to start over. Again. I will be happy to be around people who I genuinely like and who genuinely like me. (Here I love and am loved, but liked? Like is a strong word in my book.) My family. My friends. But how often did I get to see my friends when I lived there? My closest friends lived far away. And how would things change if I moved back? Was the purpose of me coming to NYC so that I would never live the same way again? Because I don't think I will. I don't think I can. Maybe it's simply fear that keeps me thinking about the future and the past, and what keeps me from staying in the present. And what is fear but lack of faith?


It's late. I'm tired. I'm sad. I can't sleep. (At least I finally quit sobbing--I'm sure my neighbor is pleased about that!) And it has a lot of 'ifs.' So I probably shouldn't post this. But, as Joel in Risky Business said, 'sometimes, you just gotta say...'

Inspiring Acts of Kindness

At my church gathering on Sundays, we take time in the beginning to share stories of how we were 'the church' the previous week. We believe that the building we meet in is just a building (and in fact, we meet in a public school auditorium!) and each of us has the responsibility (and privilege) of representing Jesus to others by being 'the church.'

I always find it inspiring to hear others talk. And I hardly ever feel that when I do something during the week and share it that it is a 'big deal.' But I think I'm wrong. I think these small things ARE a big deal. I had a story to share this morning, but since I was in the back of the room, (yeah, I'll go with that being the reason I wasn't called on) I didn't have a chance to share it. And then I read this Blog: momoftheperpetuallygrounded.blogspot.com Look for the post: A Great Small Kindness (I apologize I don't know how to insert links!) And I was inspired to share, as I hope you all are as well.

This morning on my way to church, as I was getting off the 3 train to transfer to the L, I walked past a man who was obviously in a panic. He started taking things out of his bag, setting them on the floor, muttering and looking all flustered. I walked right past him. And then I stopped and turned around. And walked back to him and asked him if he needed help.

He explained that he had left his wallet on the train. And he started kind of pacing, not knowing what to do next. He was going to wait for the next train. I told him that he should go to the attendant to let them know. It seemed like the reasonable thing to do. He followed me up the steps, but then wandered away. I let the attendant know what happened, and then the man came back and finally spoke to the attendant himself. I figured he was ok and continued on my way. And then I heard the MTA worker ask, what train was it? And he was flustered and pacing again. So I yelled back, it was the 3, and he repeated it and was much calmer. And I continued to my transfer.

So you may be wondering now, what did I really do? But I know there have been times, many times, in my life where I just couldn't see what was right in front of me. And I was so grateful when someone just told me what I needed to do. When we're panicked, we often don't think of the next right thing. Wouldn't it be nice to know that there would always be someone there to help us until we could regain control? Anyway, I think so. And I hope you do, too.

Prospect Park

This afternoon was wonderful! I got to spend it with two very special young ladies, Miss A and Miss O. They are the 10 and almost 8 year old daughters of my friends. I have been trying to arrange a day to take the girls to the park to roller blade. Turns out today was a good day. And it was a good day.

I went home with them after church, packed up a backpack with some snacks and a blanket, put on our roller blades, and off we went! Here is our afternoon in highlights: three block skate to the park; skated up a little hill to their tree fort; adventure; more skating to a grassy area where we picnicked under a maple tree; laughter; tree climbing and rolling down a hill; playing in a gazebo; walking on bridge; duck watching; waterfalls; audubon center; wonder; snake holding; boat watching; secret tree fort; skating back home. Whew!

And to finish the afternoon with dinner at a very good italian restaurant with the girls and their parents, with an eclectic waitress/owner, and I must admit, it was a very good day indeed!

I feel especially blessed that although I didn't get to spend Mother's Day with my son and his family, I did get to spend it with these two incredible girls! And it is always a treat for me to see how their parents work together to correct them, teach the girls lessons, and model the behavior they expect from them in a loving, Christian way. I love you Kellys!

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

And Happy Mother's Day to any and all mothers reading this blog!

My day started typical NY fashion for a holiday...alone. I had a couple of emails and texts from a few friends & family wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Nice. And as I was getting ready to walk out the door to head to church, (which is an hour away and getting harder and harder to get to on Sundays) my #1 called to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Very Nice. And did I get the flowers? Huh? No, I did not get the flowers. Seems he & soon to be daughter-in-law sent me a bouquet--should have been delivered on Saturday.

What they didn't realize is, in order for me to get a delivery, I have to be home. And home to me is a tiny, tiny studio--not a place you'd want to spend a Saturday. And, of course, I'd have to know to expect a delivery--kind of hard when somebody is trying to surprise you with a gift!

I live in an apartment building with about 70 other tenants. There's no doorman. I'd be paying a lot more in rent to live in a doorman building. Definitely something I'd like, but not possible for me financially at this point. So, no one to take a package for me. I only know one of my neighbors (just met two more due to The Incident, so don't think I'll be asking favors of them) but have no idea what her schedule is like. So, no way to get an unexpected (but Welcomed) package.

Incidentally, I can't even get mail that won't fit in my little mail slot. At Christmas a friend of mine sent me a package, a package that was much too big for my letter-sized slot. So the postman gave me a postcard to come to the post office. Lucky for me, the post office is just down the street! What Luck! And the hours of operation? Monday - Friday, 9am-5pm. Huh? Not even open until 6pm or half days on Saturdays? Nope. I needed to go into work late just to be able to pick up my package. So anything important or larger than a standard sized envelope I have sent to my friend's in midtown who DO have a doorman.

And then I thought, wow, another way NYC is harder than good ol' Michigan. If I was in Michigan, they'd either drop off the package at a neighbors or leave it on my porch. And I'd get it when I got home. Here I get a call from the delivery guy today asking, 'Are you home? I'm trying to deliver flowers.' 'No,' I say. 'Ok,' says delivery guy. 'I'll have the florist call you on Monday to arrange a delivery.' Don't know how that's going to work out. Maybe they'll deliver before 8:30am when I leave for work. Or after 9:45pm when I get home. Or probably, NY style, I'll have to take some time off work to get them. And I will if I need to. It's been too long since I've had flowers, and way too long since I've had flowers delivered!

As for the rest of my day, see Prospect Park post.

And kids: Thank You! Thank you for remembering me on Mother's Day and for knowing that I love flowers. I'm sure they're beautiful!

Personal Hygiene

There are some days when I am just plain grossed out by what I see on trains, buses, walking around town, or even sitting in my office.

Today one of my fellow straphangers decided it was in good taste to clip his nails on the train. Yep.

Not a day goes by where I don't see someone pick their nose or their ears. And yes, I have seen adults, adults mind you not children (ok, not just children) then proceed to put their finger in their mouth. I once sat next to a guy who after picking his nose rolled his booger around in his fingers. I decided to free up my seat and move far away from him.

And then the thing that really grosses me out the most--probably because it is the most common--spitting. I seriously have to watch where I step or I'd be stepping in people's phlegm every tenth step! Also, all kinds of noises apparently are necessary to spit. So, this one day, I'm in my office finishing up lunch, and a guy is spitting/throwing up in the trash can outside my office. It was disgusting! I lost my appetite. And had a hard time not throwing up myself. (Unfortunately it was the day I decided to eat Taco Bell too!)

So here's a little advice to public spitters, nose pickers, ear wax eaters and public nail clippers: STOP! YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE! I CAN SEE YOU AND SO CAN EVERYONE ELSE! PLEASE DO THESE THINGS IN PRIVATE!

Thank you very much. (Read this in Andy Kaufman voice of Latka.)

It's Official

It's official! I'm a New Yorker! How do I know? Is it by the way I can walk by a homeless person and not 'see' them? Push my way onto a subway car? Because I stand on line and not in line? Get my food to stay instead of for here?



No, because I now have NY State Driver's License! Woo hoo, check out that picture! True to form, it looks awful. And I'm not even going to start about my trip to the DMV! Only advice I have is give yourself at least two hours--and bring a book and your own pen!

Oh, and I'm registered to vote, too!