I have had the greatest opportunity and experience the last 10 months or so, and the miracle is that I actually see it as such. What started out as what felt like my world crashing in around me has turned out to be a deeper healing of my spirit than I would have thought possible.
Back in August, I attended my monthly Women's Prayer Breakfast. I love these gatherings where I can be with women of different ages in different stages of faith. I always learn something and I always walk away feeling so complete and full. This particular day, during the meeting time, I completely lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. The women present gathered about me, laid hands on me, and prayed for me. And Ms. M. reached out to me, and I accepted her help. And from that day on, I had a mentor.
There is so much that I could say about the many things I have learned since that morning: the healing I've experienced; that I don't have to live my future defined by my past; how to be vulnerable and trust another human being. But what I mostly want to talk about is Ms. M. and how she loved me.
Each week she set aside a day for us to meet. I would come straight from working in the Bronx to her place in Manhattan, then home to Brooklyn. Ms. M. told me not to worry about dinner, she would prepare something for me. Every week those first few months she cooked for me. I have never had someone take the time to prepare meals for me like that. (Of course, my parents made me thousands of meals, but it was more just a chore for them instead of them being able to show their love for me by cooking for me. Sadly, this is how I prepared most of my son's meals too--out of necessity or obligation rather than an opportunity to love on him.) She was consistent, and giving, and I learned to accept her kindness.
After dinner we would pray and talk and listen. I would journal throughout the week and share what I wrote with her. She instructed, guided, corrected and showed me a new way to live. In the beginning I would be so emotionally drained after our 'sessions' that I could hardly make it home--it was exhausting work. And so Ms. M. told me (yes, told me, since I had a hard time accepting any kindness) to bring clothes with me and to spend the night. So I did for many weeks.
And things got better for me. I learned so much. I learned how to rely on God no matter what. Today, I have a deeper relationship with Jesus than I ever have before. I am still learning, still growing. I continue to be inspired by Ms. M's faith and perseverance. I can never express in words what she means to me or how much gratitude I have for her friendship. I can only hope that one day I am able to do for another young woman what the Divine Ms. M. has done for me. And I think that's the best way to honor her.
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